I Gave You All
by Thebutteredcatparadox
Summary: "Anyone can get angry — that is easy — or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy" (Aristotle)
1. The Price of Love

**After watching ep 1 of season 9 I had to write this one.**

**CALLIE**

"Get out!" she yelled.  
Callie sighed and obeyed her wife.  
She slowly closed the door, but didn't let go of the door handle. Her fingers embraced the cold metal.

**ARIZONA**

She waited for the dry click to come. The dry click that always followed when the door closed and she could finally let her tears go.  
But she kept waiting.

"Leave me alone, Calliope!"

It remained silent for a while, before her wife's voice echoed from behind the door: "I won't leave you alone, Arizona. I promised you I would stay in good days and in bad days…"

Arizona closed her eyes, the anger swelling in her guts: "Oh you promised?! You promised huh?! Don't you dare to talk to me about promises…"

She listened to the silence, but there was still no click.

"You promised me to…"

"I KNOW WHAT I PROMISED TO YOU!"

Arizona expected to hear the door open, angry footsteps walking in and the furious breathing of her wife or even the click of the door and the crying of her wife. But there was only a cold silence. The sort of silence that was accompanied by a series of unspoken words. A quietness that carried feelings wherefore all words failed. A silence that was the only solution to express an unbearable amount of pain.

Arizona was familiar with these silences. They still haunted her nightmares. The image of her father and mother, trying to tell her, struggling with words and finally pronounce: "Tim died…" But it was the silence thereafter that made Arizona realise the unthinkable had happened. The silence that fell upon her thoughts when it hit her. Her brother died. The same silence had appeared when Callie lay on the OR table, coding. She had wanted to scream, to yell, but there were no words to express the pain she felt that very moment.

And now it was right here, right now: the unanswerable silence.  
She stared in front of her as her thoughts slowed down, to finally freeze and everything went silent.

She had been staring in complete silence at the alarm clock for twenty-seven minutes when she heard the door handle going down.  
"WAIT!"

**CALLIOPE**

At the other side of the door, Callie froze. For the first time in thirty days her wife had said something to her that didn't carry anger in her voice.  
This was…  
Callie couldn't define it. Was it fear; or regret; or even something that carried a faint sparkle of love?

**ARIZONA**

She threw the blanket on the floor, rolled herself onto Callie's side of the bed. Lying on the place her wife used to sleep, she stopped. Her scent wasn't there anymore. Arizona swallowed, realising she had missed the fragrance of the tanned skin that scented, even on the coldest of winter days, like summer. She wanted to bury her nose into the raven black hair and breathe in the comforting scent of Callie's shampoo. She sighed, realising those moments were already memories. Their beauty already diminishing among the billion others that were in the current that formed her memory. The glory of their details dissolved, their brightness fading away in the grey mass. Slowly time had taken their beauty, like it had always done. Somewhere, somewhere, there should be a place where all that stolen beauty, all those glorious details rested. A place where time ended its endless robbery.

She tried to pull herself up, using the head of the bed and sat down at the edge of it, staring at the emptiness where her left leg should be. She had to see her eyes. She had to see her wife's eyes, right now.

She took a deep breath and pulled herself up, using the bedside table. She wavered, closed her eyes, prepared for the fall, but it didn't come. Instead she felt two warm hands around her shoulders.

She felt the warm breathing in her neck and slowly watched over her shoulder, seeing only her wife's nose. The silence was there again, only now it carried thankfulness. Arizona tried to find her balance and made an attempt to turn over to Callie, who wordlessly felt what she wanted.  
Tears escaped her eyes when she met her wife's gaze.

**CALLIOPE**

"You're still there…" she whispered happily, looking at those blue eyes, finally recognising Arizona.  
Her wife fell into her arms and whispered: "So are you…"  
Callie embraced her wife tighter: "I never left…"

**Even though this is a one-shot, I would still like to know what you think of it. Is it too dramatic? Unrealistic? I would love to hear your thoughts...**


	2. Runaway

**Hi everyone!**

**I know I said this would be a one-shot, but once I had written it, I wanted to continue and the follows, favs and reviews convinced me; so here is chapter 2. I hope you guys like it…**

**CALLIOPE**

"I would like to see Sofia," whispered the woman in her arms.

Callie hugged her wife even tighter, scared that if she would release her, if she only let go a couple of inches, she would turn back into the woman that lay in the bed for whole days.

"Thank you," the tallest woman said, while tears were gathering in her eyes.

**ARIZONA**

She didn't know how to respond, as she couldn't get: "It's okay" or "It's fine" or "You're welcome" past her lips. She was still angry with her wife, but that rage didn't feel invincible any longer. When Callie was about to shut the door, Arizona was scared, but that fear wasn't new. Only this time, hearing that silence, realising Callie's combativeness was slowly decreasing, Arizona finally knew what to do. And after lying in bed for a month, staring at the opposite wall, listening to the empty apartment, that steadfastness came as a shock to her. Just for a couple of seconds, there was no anger, no fear, no doubt, only this sudden will to fight.  
This came as a great surprise to herself. The constant moving during her youth meant she was used to leaving places. So when she found herself in trouble, Arizona Robbins would flee, instead of facing her problems, let alone actually solve them. But she couldn't run off now…  
_Literally_… Arizona chuckled at her own thoughts and started to understand the dark humour of Meredith Grey and Christina Yang.  
There was just no other option than fighting and if she wanted to make it through this fight she would need someone. God, how much she missed Tim right now. He was the one who always told her to hold on when she had troubles.

"She's asleep, I put her in bed a couple of minutes ago, but we can still go see her" Callie said, leading Arizona towards Sofia's room.

**CALLIOPE**

They both stared wordlessly at their beautiful daughter, who was sleeping easefully.  
"She's so beautiful…"

Callie smiled: "She is."

They stared in silence for a while, when Callie felt Arizona's grip on her shoulders becoming firmer and saw her trembling right leg.

"Do you want a chair?" she asked, noticing the concentrated look in her wife's eyes.

Arizona nodded, her head raised proudly as though she didn't want Callie to notice balancing on one leg was getting quite difficult for her.

"Alright then, you um… Can you hold on to Sofia's crib?"

Arizona closed her eyes for a while before answering with a curt nod.

**ARIZONA**

_I can't even stand on my own two feet for three seconds…  
_She chuckled when a little voice in her head whispered: _Foot, Arizona… You can't even stand on your foot for three seconds…_

"Why are you laughing?" Callie asked, "Not that I mind!" she added quickly, seeing Arizona's smile quickly fading away when the light touch of humour elaborated and the situation surely wasn't funny anymore.

"Nothing," Arizona whispered, while Callie helped her sitting down, "I guess I'm developing the same sort of humour as Yang..." She tried to figure out whether that was a bad thing, thinking about how awful she had found 'Ceviche'.

"Oh?" Callie sat down on the arm-rest of the chair.

"Yeah, but it's not really funny… or it is, the first two seconds and then it just passes on and it turns out to be quite... bitter…" she swallowed.

**CALLIOPE**

Callie stared at her wife. Bitter just didn't fit with Arizona. Arizona was bright, perky, fun and usually a giant piece of concentrated happiness.

Arizona held her head a bit to the right: "She has grown, hasn't she?"

The Latina tore her gaze away from her wife and stared at Sofia.

"She has," she muttered, thinking Mark would never see his daughter grow up. She blinked the tears that had gathered in her eyes away.  
_This is not the time to talk about Mark. Arizona has finally come out of bed, she is the one who needs support and the last thing she needs is a hysterically crying wife._  
Arizona stroked Sofia's cheek and smiled.  
Callie watched them and smiled too. At least Sofia hadn't lost Arizona too.

**ARIZONA**

"Are you lying comfortable?"

"Yes," Arizona said while resting her head on her cushion.

Callie lay next to her and grabbed her hand.  
Arizona withdrew her hand and looked at her wife's brown eyes, trying to find a good way to say what she felt: "I'm trying to forgive you, but it will take time and many, many small baby steps…"  
She chuckled and added: "Literally…"

A careful smile appeared on Callie's face, her eyes carefully scanning Arizona's face: "I can see what you mean with Yang's humour…"

"Do you mind it?" Arizona asked.

Callie gave her a warm smile: "I've shared a flat with Christina Yang and her humour was the only thing that prevented me from attacking her, so, as long as you're not making a huge mess of this place and make a horrible attempt to cut my hair, I can live with it."

Arizona stared at her wife: "Why did you let Christina Yang cut your beautiful hair?!"

Callie smiled hearing 'beautiful' and then cleared her throat: "I think I wanted to make a radical change…"

Arizona laughed: "So you let Yang cut your hair! I can think of better ways to make a radical change that don't involve Christina as a hairdresser…"

Callie laughed too, thinking this was the old Arizona. This was finally a light conversation with her wife. Only now she realised how much she had missed that. Callie swallowed, thinking how stupid it was to think she could solve the situation with only important conversation. She realised it would take loads of these small and light one to finally regain the old Arizona.

"Yeah, it was kind of stupid, but back then it sounded like a good idea…"

Arizona poked her softly: "You're definitely the silly one in this relationship, how could that be a good idea?"

"You were in Malawi," Callie whispered, "I do some really stupid things when you aren't around."

Arizona's smile faded away. She wasn't proud of her bailing. She was taught to be a good man in a storm, to protect the things she loved and in the airport she had acted selfish and cowardly. That still felt like betraying her Dad, Callie and herself and Arizona wasn't easy on herself when it came to forgiving.

Callie placed a soft kiss on her forehead: "But you're here now."

"I am here now," Arizona repeated, making a promise to herself she wouldn't run away from Callie.

* * *

Her heartbeat raised and her eyes shot open.  
The sound of the pager echoed through the room. Arizona wanted to jump to her feet, but her stub brushed over the mattress.  
Reality softly poured in as she stared in the darkness, listening to Callie, who cradled out of bed grumbling. This wasn't her pager going off, there was no tiny human dying, she couldn't operate on them and she didn't have her left leg. She couldn't even get out of the bed without help…

"It's mine," Callie mumbled.

"Of course it's yours," Arizona said, grabbing the sheet.

She saw Callie's shadow turning towards her: "I'm sorry, it's a habit… I didn't mean to…"

"I know…" she sighed, thinking of the many times she had woken up to the sound of a pager, turned over to check whether it was hers and sighing relieved: "It's yours…" Right now she would kill someone if she would be able to wake up to the sound of her own pager.  
Callie placed a quick kiss on her forehead and left. Arizona stared in the darkness, listening to the dying footsteps of her wife.

**Ok, I know this might be a too easy solution for all of their problems, but I solemnly swear things will become more difficult in the next chapters (I cannot resist a slight touch of tragedy…). And I want to write something about Mark's funeral, because he was quite an important person in their lives. **

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter and of my plans!**


	3. How Can You Sleep

**Hi everyone! I'm really sorry for the incredibly late update. I said I was about to write about Mark's funeral and I will do that, only not in this chapter. It'll most likely appear in the next chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, it is a little longer than the others, but since you all had to wait so very long, see this as an apologise for the long wait.**

**CALLIOPE**

It was 5 a.m. when she arrived home. Callie sighed. _Only two hours and a half before my day actually begins and I've been in the OR for four hours.  
_Callie opened the door and walked straight to the bedroom when she found Arizona lying on the floor, in foetal position, her gaze resting on the horizon, her blue eyes empty.

"Arizona, are you ok?!" Callie's voice was two octaves higher than usual when she ran towards her wife. She immediately checked her wife's pulse. When she felt Arizona's heartbeat she sighed relieved.

The blue eyes flashed towards her, before turning back to the horizon.

"Are you ok?"

Her wife neglected her question.  
"Arizona, please, answer…"

The paediatrician fixated her eyes on Callie's, who shivered at the sight of Arizona's empty gaze, thinking this couldn't be happening. Arizona was doing so well yesterday and now she was lying miserably on the floor of the living room. Callie closed her eyes. This couldn't be happening. Not after yesterday, not after having the hope everything would eventually turn out right. She grabbed Arizona's hand: "What happened?"

"Sofia cried…" she said, fixating on Callie's eyes, "So I wanted to check if everything was okay, but I…"

Callie watched her wife. Arizona's bright blue irises were at the upper right corner of her eyes, staring at some point in the ceiling. Callie knew this meant she was about to cry, so she quickly grabbed her wife's hand.

"I managed to reach the living room," Arizona cleared her throat, "but I fell down and I… I can't even get past our own living room, Callie!"

Callie let out a soft pain cry when Arizona almost crushed her right hand in her sudden anger.

"I can't even get past our living room! Imagine something happened to Sofia and I couldn't…"

Callie watched Arizona's blue irises getting darker.

"I can't even walk five metres!" Tears filled her eyes.

Callie came sitting next to her: "You've walked five metres today. That's five metres more than yesterday. That's all the amount of baby steps you can expect from your body for today."

They both stared at the same imaginary point in front of them. "Actually I ran four metres and rolled the last one…"  
They both chuckled.

"But you've reached much more today. You got out of bed, you want to walk and that's… a whole marathon…"

Arizona turned her head to the left and watched Callie's profile: "Are comparing me with Neil Armstrong? That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?"

Callie threw her head in her neck and smiled: "No, what you did today was even better."

Arizona stared in front of her and Callie rested her head on the blonde's shoulder.  
"I missed this," the Latina whispered.

Arizona stared in front of her, not willing to answer 'I missed this too' but instead she said: "Where are my crutches?"

Callie raised her eyebrows: "Planning on reaching Jupiter today?"

* * *

She watched her wife moving through the room, still quite insecure about her movements.  
"You should take a rest," Callie whispered, still scared that if she said it out too loud, everything would go back as it was two days ago. Arizona lying motionless in bed, Mark being dead and Callie being the only one who had to try keeping up with the world, although she felt exhausted and at the end of her powers. As tough something within her seemed to grow and gnawed every bit of energy she had.

Arizona ignored her and moved across the kitchen: "You know, I hate it that I can't carry anything…"

Callie raised an eyebrow: "Arizona, I'm serious, you should take a rest. You could overload a shoulder, remember you've been in bed for the past month, your muscles…."

The blue eyes immediately flashed towards her. Callie gave her a tired smile: "You should really take a rest, Arizona. I mean it."

"Callie," she came closer to the Latina, "I'm not tired at all. I can do a couple of more laps…"

Callie closed her eyes, knowing this was the very moment the nauseating feeling was about to escape: "Well, maybe I am tired, Arizona! Ever thought of that? Or where you too busy lying in our bed, while I had to work twice as hard as usual, while you made me sleep in the bed of my best friend, who died only a month ago, while I had to take care for our daughter, while all I wanted to do was cry, because Mark died out there!"

Arizona froze somewhere between her and the coffee table and stared at the space in between.

"Mark died! And I… I think of him every day, every second and I can't even cry, because if I do, I'll… I'll be the one who won't come out of the bedroom," she wiped the tears out of her eyes with the back of her hand and took a couple of deep breaths.

Arizona opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her mind was blank.

Callie cleared her throat: "As long as I have to take care for you I can't cry over Mark, because I'm so scared that once I stop fighting, you will too. You are the reason I can't cry over my best friend, Arizona. So please, don't say you're not tired at all, because I am exhausted…"

Arizona watched Callie turning around and walking towards the door. The blonde frowned and sprinted towards the door and placed her right crutch in the doorpost: "I won't apologise, Calliope," she said, her voice carrying something Callie couldn't exactly define.

Callie sighed and stepped over the crutch: "I'll sleep at Mark's."

"Did you hear me, Calliope?"

The Latina raised an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder, while searching the key of Mark's apartment.

"Did you hear me?!" Callie stared at Arizona for a couple of seconds, surprised by the sudden strength of her wife's voice.

"Did you hear me?!"

Callie avoided her gaze, before slamming the door shut: "YES, ARIZONA, I HEARD YOU!"

But Arizona repeated her action and placed her crutch once again in a doorpost. The wood made a strange splinter noise and Callie felt her weight bouncing back from the door.

Arizona pushed her weight against the door, while Callie tried to push the crutch back out.

"Callie, listen to me," Arizona said, gritting through her teeth, "I won't apologise for locking myself up after I survived a plane crash and lost almost my entire left leg. Therefore I do not apologise. But I do apologise for not giving you any rest at all. I'm giving you some rest now and I promise I won't give up. I won't give up upon you or Sofia."

There was a silence for a couple of seconds before Callie stopped pushing against the door. There was a loud bang, which was almost immediately followed by a loud: "OUCH!" and a "Are you alright?"

Callie stepped back, her head still spinning from the blow from the door.  
Arizona jumped in, one of her crutches was lying on the floor: "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Calliope. I thought you kept pushing the door, because you were still angry…" Arizona hopped closer towards her and carefully moved Callie's hands that covered her nose, "Oh crap, it's bleeding… I'm so sorry, Callie… Eh, wait here, I'll go get some ice…"

On her way back she met the meddlesome lady from 508, who asked: "Is everything alright?"

Arizona muttered: "Yeah sure, everything is fine, my wife is going through an emotional crisis, I've only lost my left leg and I've probably broken my wife's nose..."  
She jumped her way to the freezer and finally landed next to Callie, who kept repeating the word "ouch".  
"I am so sorry, Callie," she said, taking a closer look at her wife's nose, "Well, it doesn't look broken to me…"

"It sure feels like it…" Callie gritted through her teeth.

Arizona gave her a nervous look and wrapped the ice in a towel, "This might hurt a little," she said, before carefully applying it.

**ARIZONA**

She stared guilty at the swollen nose of her wife and gave her a nervous smile.

"It looks like crap, doesn't it?" Callie asked.

"Well, the word crap might be a little…"

"Are you really sure it isn't broken?" Callie asked childishly.

Arizona gave her a careful smile: "I am really sure, Calliope. I recognise a broken nose when I see one… But you'll have some bruising… Do you want a painkiller?"

Callie nodded greedily and leant backwards: "And to say you've only wanted to give me some rest."

Arizona smiled: "Yeah, well, I guess the neighbours will suspect me from domestic violence. It looks like I've beaten the crap out of you with one of my crutches."

Callie smiled carefully and greedily took the painkiller from Arizona's hand. The blonde took the ice and carefully removed a lock of Callie's raven black hair that was hanging in front of her brown eyes. Her hand stopped somewhere in the space between them. Arizona lowered her hand and dropped the ice, captivated by the sudden intensity of Callie's brown eyes. It felt like a strange mixture between a déjà-vu and a fantastic memory. It had the same rapid and stunning effect of a déjà-vu, but the same comforting, warm feeling of a happy memory. Her fingertips carefully stroked Callie's cheek. The Latina's mouth corners curled up in a smile.  
"I'm sorry," Arizona whispered.

Callie smiled: "Don't be. Things just happen and sometimes we can't do anything at all."

Arizona looked down at was left of her left leg: "You shouldn't feel sorry for this," she said.

Callie sighed, while she took Arizona's hand: "But I do."

Arizona sighed and gave Callie a small kiss on her cheek: "You did the right thing. Even if that meant amputating my leg. It was the right thing."

Arizona watched a tear rolling over Callie's cheek, who sobbed: "Thank you," and embraced the blonde.

* * *

She opened her eyes and quickly turned over, breathing heavily and tried to sit up straight, searching for the comforting weak shine that came from the alarm clock.  
3: 53 a.m.  
Arizona forced herself to take a couple of deep breaths and focussed on her surroundings. The soft mattress underneath her, the faint light of the alarm clock, the sound of Seattle overnight. "You aren't in the woods," she whispered to herself and tried to hear Callie's comforting breathing when she realised her wife wasn't lying next to her. Arizona stared at the shadow where Callie's body was supposed to be. The longer she stared, petrified by the thought she was gone, the impenetrable darkness became a vibrating grey and Arizona could see the contours of her wife caught in the mattress. She carefully placed her hand on the place where her wife used to sleep and felt the weak warmth that was still caught on the surface. Arizona looked at the other side and reached out to grab her crutches and with a unsecure push she managed to stand up. She looked at the traces her body had left during the restless sleep and sighed, fearing she might have woken Callie.

She found her wife standing in the middle of Mark's apartment, the moonlight shining on her raven black hair. Arizona hesitated for a second, but walked in. Callie turned around, hearing the sound of the crutches.

"I couldn't sleep," the Latina whispered, her eyes tracing every spot of the flat.

Arizona moved closer: "I couldn't sleep either."

Callie's right mouth corner curled up slightly: "I noticed."

Arizona looked down, at her right foot and the empty space that was underneath the left side of her body. She smiled faintly at the thought she was still surprised at seeing only one foot.

"I'm sorry if I waked you up," she said.

Callie let out a small chuckle: "You didn't, because I didn't fall asleep at all. I just… stared at the darkness, thinking about him."

After a couple of minutes, Callie was the first to break the silence: "The funeral is in five days and I… He asked me to take care of his funeral. Me of all people…"

"You were very important to him, Callie," Arizona said and came standing next to Callie, "I never really understood you guys, which was a reason why I had such difficulty with Mark. He was more than a best friend to you…" Arizona looked at her wife's profile and followed her example and stared at the apartment, "which drove me crazy at some point, but on…" she swallowed and cleared her throat, "but on Tim's birthday I finally understood you two," Arizona stared at the family portrait on the boudoir. You two were exactly like Tim and me," she whispered, "He was a brother to you when your real family left you."  
When she returned her gaze to Callie, she noticed the tears that shone in the moonlight on her wife's cheeks.

* * *

The next morning she found Callie going through a pile of photo albums.  
"Good morning," she said, announcing her arrival, so Callie wouldn't be alarmed by her sudden appearance.

"Morning," Callie said, grabbing a tissue from the tissue box that stood next to the pile of albums.

"Do you want some coffee?" Arizona asked while moving towards the coffee-maker.  
Callie muttered something that sounded like "Yes," and Arizona held on to the kitchen dresser while trying to take two cups out of the cupboard without falling. She smiled at her little victory and hopped on one crutch towards the coffee-maker. Moments later she listened to the warm buzz of the coffee-maker and the moving of Callie's fingertips across photo's.  
When the last drop of coffee landed in the cup, Arizona turned over to Callie: "Eh, Callie…"

Her wife looked up, her eyes red and watery: "Yes?"

"I might need some help," Arizona said, while pointing at her crutches. Callie jumped to her feet and on her way she grabbed the crutch Arizona had left at the cupboard and took the two cups to the table.

* * *

She was staring at the impenetrable grey formation that covered the sky, thinking it was a typical rainy day in Seattle, when Callie suddenly whined dramatically: "I can't even find the right picture! How am I supposed to take care for a funeral when I can't even find a stupid photo he would have liked."  
Arizona raised her eyebrows: "I'm pretty sure Mark liked every photo he was on." Callie gave her a cold look, but Arizona continued: "but if you would ask me, I would take the one we made last summer, when Sofia finally said Daddy for the first time…"  
The sobbing slowed down, two bloodshot brown eyes found hers and Arizona saw the stunning smile of her wife appearing.

* * *

**CALLIOPE**

"What is it?" she asked, looking at Arizona's face.  
The blonde threw a quick look at her and kept staring in front of her.

"I'm just… scared… I mean… Sofia hasn't seen me like… like this," she whispered.

Callie gave her a comforting smile: "I'm sure she'll be very happy to see you."

"What if she gets scared at the sight of me," the blue eyes panicky searched hers, "She has never seen anyone without a leg. She has never seen me without my blanket…"

"Stop worrying, Arizona. Sofia has been asking over and over for you, so I think the least of her worries is that you miss a leg."

"I hope so," Arizona muttered, listening to the sound that came from the baby monitor.  
Callie gave her another comforting smile: "I'll go get her out of bed."

Two minutes later she carried her daughter to the living room, to find Arizona looking at them both nervously. When Sofia caught sight of the blonde, she started wrestling herself out of Callie's grip, saying: "Mommy!"

Callie noticed a tear appearing in Arizona's eye.  
The Latina placed her daughter on the ground and watched her walking in that typical bumpy toddler way towards her wife. But somewhere in the middle Sofia slowed down and Callie heard Arizona's breathing freeze. And for a couple of seconds, Callie had the feeling her daughter was far older than her actual age, when she met the doubting gaze of Sofia. Her eyes looked exactly like Mark's when she stared at Callie in confusion. Callie recognised the feeling underneath it; fear. Fear that it was just a dream, that if she ran too enthusiastically towards Arizona, she would dissolve into thin air and there would only be emptiness between the palms of her hands. Callie had always been surprised by the cleverness of her daughter, how fast she had understood that Arizona didn't want to play with her, that Mommy was in pain and Callie noticed that Sofia was always more silent when Arizona was around.

She gave Sofia a small nod and watched her daughter running towards Arizona, who couldn't stop crying for the next five minutes and carried a blissful smile for the rest of the day.

**Alright, as usual I would love to know what your thoughts are, so please leave me a review. They truly make my day :)**

**Oh, and if any of you has a suggestion for Mark's funeral (songs, quotes, etc.), feel free to send me a private message or leave a review.**

**Thank you for reading :D**


	4. Breath of Life

**Hi there everyone!**

**You can't believe how happy I am to finally have some time to write! This chapter is a pretty long one and I've posted the next one already. See it as an early Christmas treat ;) **

**Oh and I didn't really had much time to check for spelling errors, my apologies. **

**As usual: enjoy reading!**

**CALLIOPE**

"What happened to your nose?"

She looked at her right, seeing Derek Shepherd's eyes locked on her swollen nose.  
"Oh, I eh…" she looked at the letters on the patient chart, trying to find anything else than 'my wife accidentally slammed a door into my face', "Sort of ran into a door."

Shepherd stared at her and gave his typical nod an a small: "huh"

Meanwhile Callie tried to avoid his eyes and stubbornly stared at the chart.

"How is she?" he asked.

When Callie kept starring at the chart he added: "How is Arizona?"

The orthopaedist stopped pretending to read, when he pronounced her wife's name.  
"Good," she muttered, caught in the routine of answering that question and grabbed another patient chart and muttered: "her leg is healing well."

Derek's head tilted a bit to the right and he added another: "huh"

"Will you please stop doing that?" she suddenly blurted, trying to focus on another patient chart.

"Stop what?" he asked friendly.

"Watching me in that typical Shepherd-way, with your head slight to the right, those questioning eyes and the constant "huh" as an answer."

The neurosurgeon gave her a gentle smile: "I just noticed that every time I ask you how Arizona is, you answer that her wound is healing well…"

"Because it is healing well," Callie placed the pile of patient charts back on the nurses' station .

"Callie, I'm not asking about her leg," he said, "there's more than the leg."

She stared at him for a few seconds: "If you would have said that to me a couple of days ago, I would have answered that the leg is everything…"

"And now?" he asked carefully.

"She…" she gave him a warm smile: "she started to fight, to hope, to dream."

Derek gave her a smile: "I am really happy to hear that, Callie."

Callie smiled, still amazed by her last words: "So am I, Derek."

When she was about to visit her next patient, she turned around to see Derek walking into one of the elevators. She sprinted towards it, placed her arm between the doors and entered, seeing a glimpse of her bruised nose in the reflection of the doors.  
She was relieved to see there were no other people in the elevator.  
"I have to ask you for a favour," she gasped, still exhausted from her sprint.

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Can you help me with Mark's funeral?" she swallowed when the words left a strange taste on her tongue.  
The doors closed with a small 'bing' and Callie stared at his thunderstruck face.  
"You were his best friend," Callie said, recognising the feeling underneath his empty gaze.

After a couple of seconds Derek sighed: "No, Callie you were. I was the one who forbade him to see the love of his life."

Callie sighed desperately: "Please Shepherd, I can't do this all on my own."

He stared at his shoes and eventually said: "I'll help you."

"Thank you," she said, staring at her shoes too, "Is tonight okay for you?"

He gave a small nod.

"7 o'clock, my place. Is that okay for you?"

He nodded again.

* * *

She stopped before the PEDS ward.  
It was a strange melancholic feeling she felt every time she had to go in here. It used to be a cheerful place, but for Callie, the absence of her wife made it have a sad impression.  
She placed the chart underneath her armpit and took a deep breath before entering.

She knew the PEDS ward well and walked towards Claire, one of the elder nurses: "Can you tell me where dr. Karev is?"

Claire gave her a warm smile: "He's still caught in surgery, but it shouldn't take long…"

Callie smiled at her: "Thank you, Claire."

"You're welcome dr. Torres," the nurse answered.

Callie stared at the hallway, which was painted in bright colours, in oceans and forest, inhabited by smiling animals. The walls of several rooms were covered with colourful drawings. Callie noticed she was subconsciously searching for her wife, for the sound of her heelys that announced her arrival.

"How is dr. Robbins?"

Callie forced her gaze back to the friendly face of Claire.

"She's doing good, Claire."

The nurses' lips formed a bright smile: "That's good to hear. We really miss her here. She was an excellent head of paediatrics."

The orthopaedist gave her a polite smile: "I'll tell her."

"Do you think she will ever come back?"

Callie's mind slowed down, realising she had no idea at all how to answer that question.

When Claire pointed her head at something behind Callie and said: "Ah, dr. Karev's finished with his surgery," the Latina sighed of relief.

* * *

They were scrubbing out after a smooth surgery.

"How is she?"

"Good. She's doing good."

Karev gave a small nod en continued to wash his hands: "How's her incision?"

Callie grabbed a towel and dried her hands, still trying to figure out how to behave towards Alex: "It's healing well."

She stared at his hands, how they slowed down and how he finally stared at the cold water flowing over his hands. When he noticed she was staring at him, he cleared his throat: "I eh… I've got patients…"  
And left the room without drying his hands. Callie stared at the small drops of water he left on the floor.

* * *

**ARIZONA**

Callie came home early and found Arizona sitting on the floor, playing with Sofia. It made her smile to see them both.  
"Oh hi," Arizona said happily when she saw her wife entering the room.  
"Hi," the Latina walked towards her daughter and placed a small kiss on her forehead and then walked to Arizona. For a brief second they stared hesitating at each other, until Arizona looked away and focussed back on the house she was building with Sofia. She still didn't want Callie to touch her in that way. Callie stared at them for a while and sat down next to Arizona, who quickly asked how her day was, so the uncomfortable silence was broken.  
"Good. I operated on a fifteen-year old with a pretty complex shoulder fracture. Surgery was a success."  
Arizona gave a small smile and tried to swallow the jealousy that overwhelmed her when she realised Callie must have been on PEDS today. Her PEDS…

When Callie noticed her wife's smile, that didn't reach her eyes, she quickly asked: "How was your day?"

When Arizona looked up, the Latina's stomach turned. She already opened her mouth to avoid another conflict, but Arizona smiled: "Good. I walked a bit and then Sofia came home and we've built this beautiful house. Oh and I called the physiotherapist you advised."

She watched a wide smile appear on her wife's face: "You did?"

Arizona smiled: "I've got an appointment at 9 o'clock tomorrow."

Callie raised her eyebrows: "You're awesome," she said before walking towards the kitchen unit. On her way she heard Arizona say: "I know."

"What do you want to eat?" Callie asked, looking into the refrigerator.

Arizona pulled herself up: "Mexican, I want something spicy…"

Callie's left mouth corner curled up and she cursed her dirty mind.

Arizona almost let go of the seat when she saw her wife's face and realised what she had said: "I didn't mean…"

The Latina smiled at her wife's reaction: "I know… Do you think Derek likes spicy?"

Arizona, who had finally managed to grab her crutches, dropped them and held on to the seat, her panicky eyes found Callie: "Why're you asking? You're not…?"

"What?! No, of course not, Arizona," Callie chuckled at that last thought and grabbed a saucer, "I've invited him for tonight."

She saw the blonde looking relieved: "Oh…," her smile grew bigger, but after a couple of seconds it disappeared: "tonight? You've invited Derek Shepherd tonight?"  
"Yes, he'll help me with… Marks funeral…"

Arizona was about to protest, but when she heard Marks funeral, she gave a small nod.  
"You could have warned me, you know," she said softly.

Callie closed the fridge: "I didn't plan it, I just ran into him and I knew I couldn't do this on my own…"

"How's his hand?"

Callie turned around and saw Arizona staring at the place where her left leg was supposed to be.  
"At eighty per cent."

Arizona carefully touched her scar and mouthed: "Eighty per cent…"

**ARIZONA**

Callie smiled when she opened the door and Derek Shepherd stood in the middle of the hallway.  
"Hi," she placed a quick kiss on his cheek, "I hope you like chicken picata?"

Derek smiled: "Of course."

His eyes scanned through the room and finally met her. She saw his eyes flashing to the space underneath her left leg, only for a few seconds, but long enough.  
"Derek," she said, her eyes too flashing to the blue bandage his hand was wrapped in.

**CALLIOPE**

"Have you told Addison?" she asked.

His eyes flashed from his plate towards hers.

"That's okay, I'll…" she took a sip of her red wine, "I'll tell her."

Derek sighed: "Thank you."

"Have you got any idea where we should bury him?"

Derek stared at her and after a couple of seconds he whispered: "Next to Lexie."

Callie gave a small nod and saw Arizona staring at Derek's hand. Since his arrival, she kept anxiously staring at it. Callie could see Derek saw her staring, but he ignored it politely.

"Have you got any ideas for the music?" she hated to ask these questions, but somebody had to.

Derek looked up, gave a small nod and met Arizona's gaze, he looked down at his hand and said: "I know…"

She looked up: "I didn't mean to… it's just…"

"I know… when I see… when I see your leg, it's just like…"

She gave a small nod: "Just like…"

"Out there, in the woods…"

Callie stared at them and tried to understand the silence that followed, but knew her efforts were in vain.

**ARIZONA**

"You're okay?" she asked when Derek had just left.

Arizona gave her wife a small nod: "You're okay?"

Callie started to clean up the kitchen: "Yes, I'm feeling better. I'm actually doing something for Mark…"

Arizona bit her bottom lip: "That helped me too when Tim died…"

"Sure you're okay?"

Arizona nodded and watched her wife cleaning the cooker. "You did a good job."

Callie snorted: "Yeah, right…"

"I mean it, Calliope," she hopped closer and held on to the other side of the cooker.

Tears appeared in Callie's eyes: "Really? Because I think I've made a serious mess of it all… I couldn't save your leg, I couldn't save Derek's hand and now I can't even organize a funeral…"

The paediatrician hopped closer and grabbed her hand: "You didn't save my leg, but you saved me. You gave Derek 80 per cent and for as far as I heard today, you're going to give Mark a beautiful funeral…"

Callie looked up: "Really?"

"Really…" she placed a quick kiss on her wife's forehead, "Come on you silly, our daughter is waiting for her good night kiss."

**CALLIOPE**

She took another deep breath and looked at the blue eyes that were following her through the room.  
Arizona gave a small nod.  
"I can't do this, Arizona…" her voice trembled, "I can't tell her…"

Arizona looked for her crutches and came standing next to her wife.  
"Do you want me to do it?"

Callie quickly blinked away a tear and gave Arizona her phone.

"Are you really sure?"  
The Latina sank into the seat and watched her wife.

Arizona leant against the kitchen table and watched the Seattle skyline, while waiting.

"Callie?"

Arizona watched her wife, who anxiously stared back.

"It's Arizona, Addison…"

"Arizona? Is everything okay with Callie?"

"Yes," she closed her eyes, "She's fine…"

The paediatrician turned around: "There's something you have to know."

The background noise disappeared and Arizona figured out Addison must have searched someplace calm.

"It doesn't sound like good news."

Arizona took a deep breath: "That's because it isn't."

"Can I speak to Callie?"

The Latina's eyes flashed towards Arizona.  
"She asked me to tell you that…" she swallowed, "Mark died."

Arizona heard the door closing, before Addison started to cry.

**ARIZONA**

"Come on Sofia, we really got to go, we're running late."  
She hopped towards the wardrobe and grabbed their coats.

"Where's Mama?"

Arizona watched her daughter and gave her a gentle smile: "She left early for work," she lied, not really quite sure where Callie was on her day of.

Sofia frowned: "But when we were building the house yesterday you said I could finish it with Mama, because she didn't have to work!"

Arizona raised her eyebrows while walking towards her daughter: "Did I say that? I must have been a little bit confused…"

Sofia grabbed her coat: "You weren't confused, because Mama said it too…"

Arizona gave Sofia her red cap with white snowflakes. "Do you remember all that?"

Sofia gave Arizona her cap and nodded.

"Woaw, you're a pretty smart young lady, but you're also running very late for school."

"Does that mean I can be a doctor too?"

Arizona placed a small kiss on her daughters forehead: "If that's what you really, really, really want to."

"I really, really, really want that, Mommy. I want to be a doctor just like you and Mama and Christina and Daddy and Lexie…"  
Arizona smiled gently: "Okay young lady, but then you'll have to start getting to school on time."

Sofia grabbed her schoolbag and opened the door for Arizona: "Come on Mommy, we're running late!"

* * *

She sank back in the seat, when the door opened.  
"I brought Sofia to school," she said, when Callie quickly ran towards Sofia's room.

Her wife ran backwards into the living room: "You did?"

Arizona laughed: "No, I'm hiding her underneath our bed. Of course I brought her to school."

"All on your own?" Callie stood in front of her.

"Not all on my own, Sofia was so very kind to place one foot in front of another and kept repeating that action, so she actually walked to school, so it wasn't entirely my work."

"You walked that whole end to kindergarten?"

Arizona smiled, finally realising what she had done: "Technically I hopped."

"Arizona! That's a kilometre, you know that, right?"

"And a kilometre back… ask my right leg"

Callie smiled and sat down next to her: "I'm so proud of you!"

Arizona smiled and thought back at her little talk with Sofia: "You know, our daughter is way too smart for her age."

Callie smiled: "You sound so surprised; she has my brains after all…"

"She asked where you were, so I told her you went to work, but she remembered it was your day of…"

"She did?"

Arizona nodded: "You'll have to finish Barbies house tonight, because there's no way she'll forget…"

Callie laughed, but grabbed Arizona's hand: "I'm sorry I left this morning…"

Arizona looked at her: "I can't blame you… I got you hostage for months now. This apartment has no space to be on your own."

Callie nodded: "That's what I wanted you to talk about. Before the… before your leg…" she looked at was left of her wife's left leg.  
Arizona looked at her: "Before the amputation."

Callie swallowed: "Before the… amputation… you said Sofia had to play more outside, because we had to take her to the park the whole time… so, I've been thinking. Do you want to move?"

Arizona smiled: "Yes, of course I want to."

She watched Zola and Sofia playing.

* * *

"Addison is coming over tomorrow…" Callie said, "She's staying at our place."

Derek nodded: "Is she okay?"

"I think so," Callie said.

Arizona turned around to see Derek staring at the place where her leg should be: "I should have my prosthetic in a couple of days."

He blinked and focussed back on her face: "My surgery is in a couple of days," he said, giving Callie a gentle smile.

"So there's a chance I'll be scrubbing in with you in the future, dr. Shepherd?

"There is," he said, giving Callie a hopeful look.

**So the funeral is getting really close now. Just like Derek's surgery… **

**Anyway, I've posted the next chapter, so please let me know what you think of it…**


	5. The Funeral

**I tried to write about Mark's funeral, but I couldn't find any inspiration and it didn't feel right to me, so I've only written a tiny bit. I hope you don't mind. Anyway; enjoy!**

**ARIZONA**

She stared at her shoes and threw another hopeful gaze at the clock.

"She'll get here in time," Addison said, trying to get Sofia in her dress.

Arizona sighed when the door was slammed open: "Sorry I'm late! Seems to me all old people planned a strategy to block me in the middle of the road…"

Callie quickly ran towards her wife and sank to her knees in front of her. Arizona sighed of relief: "I thought it wasn't ready…"

Callie smiled at her wife while attaching the prosthetic: "I told you Moore is the best I know."

Arizona smiled when watching her prosthetic: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't all Moore's work that I'm able to wear this one today."

Callie smiled while helping her wife in her shoes. When Arizona wanted to stand up, Callie placed her hand on her knee: "It'll probably hurt, but we can fix that."

Arizona smiled: "I know, now get into the shower, or we'll be late…"

Addison came sitting next to her on the bed.

"It hasn't been easy for her."

Arizona watched the redhead: "And I haven't made it easier for her."

Addison looked at Sofia, who was watching TV: "She doesn't blame you."

The blonde swallowed, thinking back at the time she lied in their room for days: "I no longer blame her for my leg…"

Addison's eyes flashed towards her prosthetic: "That's good."

"Anyone can get angry — that is easy — or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy," Arizona said.

Addison's head tilted to the right: "Who said that?"

Arizona smiled: "Aristotle… When you're not able to save tiny people, you read a lot…" she said as an answer to Addison's questioning gaze.

"How's Derek?"

Arizona sighed: "Good… At the moment his hand is at eighty per cent, but Callie's operating on next Thursday."

The redhead nodded.

"Their using a donor nerve, from one of his sisters" Arizona added, before walking unsteadily towards the coffee maker, finally grabbing the opportunity to carry two cups at a time, because she didn't need the crutches.

"Really? Is Derek allowing that?"

Arizona pushed the start button: "Why shouldn't he?"

Addison snorted: "Because I know him and he is not the person who accepts help from his family…"

The door opened and Callie appeared in the room: "We're good to go," she said silently.

**CALLIOPE**

She stared at the people gathered around his coffin.  
Bailey had started weeping uncontrollably. Webber stared at the photo of Mark, lost in thoughts. Owen was staring at the tree tops around the cemetery. Christina kept staring at Owen. Kepner seemed to pray. Avery had a very sad expression on his face. Derek grabbed his wife's hand, Arizona had one tear rolling over her cheek and Addison kept staring at the coffin, as tough she was trying to understand something.

She froze to her seat.  
Arizona looked at her and grabbed her hand: "You can do this, Calliope."

Callie looked at her wife and shook her head: "I can't speak in front of an audience, Arizona… Especially not now"

The paediatrician looked at her wife and knew she was right.  
"We'll both read it? Okay?"

Her wife nodded.

* * *

Callie sighed heavily when they arrived at home. Arizona followed her and Sofia and removed her leg from the minute she landed in the seat.  
"I'm going to need my crutches if I want to work, because it hurts like hell if I place all my weight on it…"

Callie turned around: "Can we please not talk about your leg for one second?"

Arizona turned around: "I'm sorry."

"It's okay… it's just been… a rough day…"

Arizona stroked her cheek: "It was a beautiful funeral."

"Thanks for helping me out with the speaking…"

Arizona smiled: "It was the least I could do."

Callie smiled when somebody knocked on the door.

Arizona grabbed her crutches, but Callie was quicker and walked to the door.

"I thought Addison was going for a walk?" the Latina asked.

"Maybe she changed her mind," answered Arizona.

But when Callie opened the door she didn't see Addison. She froze in the middle of the doorpost.

"Can I come in, please?"

Callie's mouth dropped open and she heard Arizona dropping one of her crutches.

**Please let me know your thoughts about the unexpected guest!**


	6. Strangers

**Thank you all for the reviews :D They really made my day :)**

**Sorry if you find any spelling mistakes in this chapter, but I haven't found any time to check it properly …**

**We ended with the unexpected guest at the door…**

**ARIZONA**

She tried to grab her crutch, but missed it and lost her balance. She landed in the seat and the world was turned over ninety degrees.  
Callie turned around to see her falling down and when she moved her arm, Arizona recognised the person the voice was coming from. Although his skin was pale, his eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were more hollow than she could remember, she still smiled.

"Phoenix," he said, smiling widely.

"Nick!" she yelled enthusiastically.

He walked in, and laughed: "Do I look that bad I make people fall down spontaneously? I mean, I know I have been prettier, but come on, it isn't that bad?"

Arizona's smile slowly disappeared and her eyes flashed towards the place her leg should be. When she looked up, she found Nick staring at it too.  
"Oh…" he said silently.

**CALLIOPE**

She helped Nick sit down into one of their seats and asked him if he wanted anything to drink. Arizona smiled and answered in his place: "Probably tea or something; right?"

Nick smiled: "Almost right Flagstaff, chamomile tea, please."

Callie walked towards the cupboard. In the few seconds she had seen him, he didn't look healthy at all. She kept staring at the inside of the cupboard, caught in her thoughts, realising after half a minute they never had any tea at all.  
"We don't have any tea," she muttered.

Nick looked up and said water was fine too. While Callie took a glass from another cupboard she heard Arizona ask: "I thought you were in Belize?"

The Latina heard the slight tremble in her voice and her eyes flashed towards her wife's friend.

"Yeah, the beach was nice, but there's no fun in dying alone, Tucson…"  
The room went silent for a couple of seconds except for the soft noise the water made when it landed in the glass.

"You haven't said anything to your sister?" Arizona asked, her voice becoming slightly worried.

Callie brought him the water and sank into the chair in front of them. Nick thanked her and Callie could see he was trying to avoid his wife's gaze.  
He took a couple of sips and answered calmly: "You haven't said anything about your leg either, Prescott."

"Of course I haven't, you are…" she started, but couldn't get the word over her lips. She took a big breath and looked at him: "You are dying, Nick. You were in Belize, so there was no use telling you…"

He looked at her: "Of course there is, Phoenix. I made a promise to your brother, remember?"

Arizona rolled her eyes: "You are dying, Nick, I am really sure Tim didn't want you to…"

He raised his voice: "When you're brother was dying in the middle of that chaos, his only thoughts didn't go to his girlfriend or his mother, they went to you, Arizona. Most men scream for their mothers, but your brother didn't scream. He looked at his ravaged body and crawled towards me. I was terrified, while I was fine, but he, he wasn't frightened even though he…"

Arizona looked at him and how he stopped in the middle of his story and thought back at the moment she had accidentally caught a glimpse of her brothers dead body. Her father had asked to see him and she and her mother had to stay outside, but she wanted to see her brother for one last time and walked in. When she saw his injuries, she slowed down and let her drag out of the room by two soldiers. Until now she hadn't seen any injuries that were worse than his.

"… he crawled towards me and asked me to take care for you, Arizona. So yes, you should have told me about the leg. Your brother was in a far more worse condition than me and he still wanted to protect you. So, what happened to your leg?"

Arizona sighed: "I was in a plane crash and a had an open fracture and… it took the rescue services ages to find us, so it was infected by the time I was brought to a hospital."

Nick's eyes quickly flashed towards Callie before resting on Arizona again.  
"So they amputated," he muttered.

Arizona looked at her wife: "There was no other option. It was either the leg or me…"

Callie gave her wife a thankful smile before Arizona continued: "I got my prosthetic yesterday and I'm hoping to work again soon."

Nick raised his eyebrows: "So were both bound to crutches?"

Arizona laughed, when the door opened and Addison walked in, still in her clothes from the funeral, her eyes still wet. She gave Callie a questioning gaze after seeing the two old friends in the seat.

* * *

**CALLIOPE**

They were standing in Mark's apartment.

"Who is that?" Addison asked, sinking down into a chair.

Callie walked to the coffee maker, and listened to her wife's laughing that was coming from their flat.

"Nick. He's a friend from Arizona's brother, but he's…"

"He doesn't look healthy…" Addison interrupted. Callie sighed and stared at the coffee that was pouring into the cups: "That's because he isn't healthy… He's dying. Cancer…"

She sat down next to Addison and stared to the damp that came from the hot coffee. "I don't know if she could handle him dying… He was her rock when her brother died. Losing your leg isn't easy, but losing your best friend too…" her voice went silent and Addison rubbed her back and said: "Arizona's strong when it comes to other people. She flees for her own fears, but when it comes to others, she's incredibly strong. I've seen her after the car-accident; she saved Sofia, while you were coding right next to her. She is strong..."

Callie smiled: "A good man in a storm."

* * *

When she woke up the very next morning, she found an empty space next to her. Callie watched the clock and decided she wanted to know why her wife wasn't sleeping. When she walked into the kitchen she stared surprised at the breakfast they were preparing.  
"You're up early…" she muttered, thinking they had to be in the kitchen for about half an hour.

"Nick and I used to wake up at this time and then we would go jog a couple of kilometres…" Arizona started, when Nick took over: "But since Phoenix and I are only capable of holding a wheelchair race, we decided we should try something else, such as trying to make breakfast…"

Arizona giggled: "And Nick was scared he would lose the wheelchair races too, so he decided cooking is safer" she said grabbing the butter.

He grabbed the milk and laughed: "You were always the one who lost, Flagstaff…"

Arizona gave a small push against his crutches: "That is so not true, Nickolas!"

Callie stared at them both, when Addison walked in, asking: "What's with the noise, it's 6 in the morning…"

"Good morning!" Arizona said happily.  
Addison answered with a cold gaze and went back to bed. Callie sighed and watched the two friends playing like two small children.

**ARIZONA**

She watched him playing with Sofia and smiled. He still had that same careless smile.  
"You should tell your sister," the paediatrician said, when he came siting at the table and poured some freshly squeezed orange in his glass.

"She is busy," he muttered.

Arizona met Addison's gaze, who still seemed upset by their early noise. Callie cleared her throat and watched Nick: "I'm sure your sister wants to see you."

He looked up: "She has her own life and you know how busy she is, Arizona. Besides, I haven't seen her in ten years… I've never even sent a Christmas card back from Tibet…"

Arizona recognised the look on his face and knew arguing had no use at all.

"If my sister was in your condition," Callie said, "I would still want to see her. She still is my sister after all, even though she…" she looked at Arizona, "…she doesn't acknowledge my marriage or my daughter. But if Aria was in your situation, I would still want to see her," she pushed her phone in his hands, "So stop making excuses. You are making that phone call, right now."

He stared at her for a couple of seconds, looked at Arizona, who was staring in total surprise to her wife. When Callie found her gaze, she added: "You wished you could have said goodbye to Tim, so tell him he has to call his sister."

He looked at Arizona, whose gaze was almost as determined as her wife's.

Addison rolled her eyes: "Oh, just make the damn phone call…"

The blonde reached forward to take the phone. Nick quickly withdrew his hand. Callie was surprised by his reflexes in his condition. Her wife was leaning forward on the table, leaning dangerously on one leg: "If you won't, I will… I owe her that…" she gritted through her teeth.  
Addison's eyes narrowed and Callie had to admit she had a very odd feeling about Nick's sister.  
Nick tried to get up, but Arizona had grabbed his crutches before he could reach them. He looked at the three woman and sighed: "Maybe you do, Arizona. But I can't ask her, you should understand that..."

Arizona sighed and stood up, using his crutches, because he had grabbed hers: "You were drunk, Nick. You were drunk and didn't mean to. I know that. Your sister knows that. At least give her the chance to see you before you…"

He stared at the phone and shook his head, while Addison and Callie were trying to understand what happened between Nick and his sister.  
Arizona sighed loudly and grabbed the phone out of his hands and dialled the number blindly. Callie raised her eyebrows, because she knew how bad her wife was at remembering phone numbers. They all stared at the blonde paediatrician that had walked towards the window and stared at the skyline of Seattle, leaning on one way too big crutch. After a couple of seconds they heard a "Hello?"

Arizona's blue eyes found Nick's: "Hi, Joanne, this is Arizona."

Callie's eyes narrowed, when she heard the name Joanne. She had already heard that name earlier, but when?

"Arizona?" the other woman said quite loudly, obviously surprised, "Arizona Robbins?"

"Do you know any other Arizona's?" her wife asked, smiling.

"I'm sorry, I just… I can't believe it's you… It has been so long…" the other voice said, "How did you get my number?"

Arizona let her hand go through her hair: "I remembered," she said shyly, avoiding Callie's frown.

"You did?" the other woman asked and after a small pause she continued, "That's quite funny, because I also still know yours now I start to think of it."

Arizona smiled and bit her bottom lip.  
Addison stared from Arizona to Callie, thinking this would surely end in a complete interrogation for Arizona.  
When Arizona's eyes met Nick, she seemed to remember why she actually called and cleared her throat. "I'm actually calling for your brother."

It remained silent at the other side for a couple of seconds and Nick had buried his head in his arms.  
"… Oh…"

Arizona came sitting next to her friend and held the phone between them, so he could hear the conversation better.  
"He's here in Seattle," Arizona continued, "and he has cancer and it's spread."  
It remained silent and they listened carefully to their breathing.  
"How bad?" echoed through the room.  
"Really bad," Nick answered.

**ARIZONA**

She was reading when Callie came out of the shower. Arizona saw it in the way she moved and combed her hair; Callie was curious.  
"If you want to know what happened between Nick and his sister…" she started, but Callie smiled nervously and quickly said: "Oh, no, no… It's none of my business…"  
Arizona laughed, recognising her wife's curiosity and her left right mouth corner curled up: "Good, because I wasn't planning on telling you," she teased. Callie turned around and Arizona laughed when she saw her wife's face. When the Latina saw her smile, she raised her eyebrows: "Oh, but I would find it out anyway," she said, walking across the bedroom.

The blonde laughed: "Sure you would."

The other woman raised an eyebrow and answered with a husky voice: "Oh, but I can be very persuasive."

The blonde stared at her wife: "Is that so?"

The Latina smiled and removed her night gown and felt Arizona's eyes on her body: "Are you doubting me, miss Robbins?"

The blonde's eyes were locked on her wife's new lingerie. "I wouldn't dare…" she whispered.

Callie got into bed and softly started kissing Arizona's neck. She could feel her wife's body shivering.

"Did I hear some sarcasm in that sentence?" Callie whispered against her soft skin. Arizona rolled over and looked in her wife's eyes: "Only a little," she said before kissing the Latina softly. Callie's hands slipped underneath Arizona's pyjamas and softly stroked the skin underneath. The Latina traced her tongue against Arizona's bottom lip, before kissing her more intensely. When Callie broke the contact, she whispered against Arizona's clavicle: "Then I should prove you how persuasive I can be."

She came sitting on top of the blonde without breaking contact with her skin. Her hands travelled down and reached the red panty her wife was wearing, when Arizona suddenly said: "Stop!" and grabbed her wrists, "I am so sorry, Callie, but I can't…"

The Latina removed her hands and leant backwards. "Why?"

When she saw Arizona's blue eyes she saw her crying soflty: "It's just too soon, Callie…"

"It has been five months, Arizona. Five months!" Callie was surprised by her own hard tone.

"I just don't feel… This body doesn't feel like mine without my leg," Arizona cried softly. Callie dried her wife's tears: "Don't cry. There's no need to cry. You can take your time. I'll wait."

Arizona dried the tears from her own watery eyes and smiled, before placing a quick kiss on Callie's forehead and whispered: "Thank you."

Callie smiled and rolled over on her side of the bed: "But next time, it would be nice if you would warn me before I get turned on, because I was really looking forward..." she said, without any trace of accusation in her voice.

"The wait will be worth it," Arizona said, turning the lights off.

"Not helping!" Callie said.

Arizona laughed. "But I still haven't told you about Nick's sister."

Callie rolled over to see her wife's face: "What exactly happened between those two? They seem even worse than me and Aria…"

Arizona sighed: "Have I ever told you about Joanne?"

Callie frowned: "I think you've mentioned her once, but I can't really remember that."

The paediatrician leant on her left arm and said: "She was my first real girlfriend."

The Latina held her head a bit to the right: "That explains the phone number," she muttered.

"I sort of had this crush for her since junior year, but we only got together during my first year of med school, because I didn't dare to tell her about my feelings and I thought she was straight. It was Tim who brought us together. Joanne and I've been together for almost three years when I broke up with her."

"What happened?" Callie asked.

"Tim died."

When she found Callie staring accusatory, she said: "I can't blame her. I was a mess, back then. I was horrible. She almost made it through my constant weeping and sadness, except for the last two months. She left me. But I can't blame her."

"What happened then?" Callie asked, still wondering what this had to do with Nick.

"I had a couple of small relationships and then we got back together."

"You got back together?"

Arizona nodded, "For another four years, but she… she cheated on me."

"She cheated on you?!" Callie whispered, thinking about George O'Malley and Izzie Stevens.

Arizona took a big breath: "Yeah, she did, with her best friend."

Callie started to understand why Arizona had this huge fear of Mark Sloan when they first met.

"Anyway, Nick and I were still good friends back then and the night she broke up with me, we both got really drunk and he volunteered to pick up my stuff at Joanne's place. And there he found Eleanor, the best friend with who she cheated on me, for who Nick had feelings for over a year, who was pretty drunk too. Joanne was looking for me to apologise and break up in a decent way and when she returned home she found Nick and Eleanor…"

Callie stared at her: "I start to understand why he didn't want to call her…"

Arizona continued: "Nick really didn't mean to. He was very drunk and I'm really sure Eleanor seduced him. She had quite a reputation… Nick still regrets what he has done."

Callie listened captivated and asked: "When does she arrive?"

Arizona laughed bitterly: "The big happy family reunion is planned for the day after tomorrow…"

**I hope you all liked this chapter… Please let me know about the idea of putting Nick in this story. Oh and I would also love to hear your thoughts on the family reunion… **

**Anyway, thanks for reading, and if you find a moment, please leave a review…**


	7. Below My Feet

**6. Below My Feet**

**CALLIOPE**

"Tomorrow," Callie answered Addison's question.  
The redhead opened her mouth to ask how late her plain would land, but the giggling of Arizona and Nick was louder. She rolled her eyes, sighed and repeated her question.  
Callie didn't listen any longer. Her eyes were drawn to the two best friends who were fighting over a piece of chocolate.  
"Mine!" Arizona yelled, while Nick tried to get grip on her hands.  
"I saw it first!" he said louder.  
Arizona laughed, while she managed to avoid his grasping hands "Yeah, but I got it first and I'm gonna eat it first!"  
Addison sighed loudly, realising Callie wasn't listening and the other two had been acting like two small kids for over three days. She thought her head was going to explode. Arizona and Nick seemed to take a lot of place in the flat and the thought another person had to join them seemed impossible. "I'm going to Mark's apartment," she said, hoping Callie would follow. But the Latina kept staring at the duo in the couch. Sofia laughed loudly and joined the game and started tickling Nick, who yelled loudly that that wasn't fair. Arizona said: "Grab his crutches, Sofia!"  
But instead her daughter grabbed her own crutches.  
The toddler crossed the apartment with one way to large crutch behind her, laughing loudly when Nick said: "Way to go, Sofia!" before he was pushed down on his back in the soft leather by Arizona.  
Callie frowned. That couldn't be healthy for his aching spine. He probably didn't feel anything due to the high doses of painkillers he took. The next moment she looked at them Nick had managed to switch places with her wife, who lied on her back, her arms stretched above her head, in an attempt to save the chocolate. Sofia was still running with the crutch, peeking over her shoulder every now and then to see if there was any reaction from her Mommy, who seemed, in Callie's opinion, very busy to ruin their leather couch by covering it with chocolate.  
"Callie, can we please go to Mark's place? My head is killing me…" Addison asked, trying to ignore the noise from the two adult children.  
But Callie didn't even noticed her best friend. Her eyes were locked on Arizona and Nick, who were still struggling. Arizona tried to block him using her knee, her hands still stretched above her head. He dove forward and Arizona's right leg couldn't carry his weight and he fell on her. At that very moment something in Callie snapped and she screamed: "STOP IT!" so loud that Addison spilled some water she was pouring in her glass, Sofia dropped the crutch, Nick lost all balance and landed on the floor and Arizona asked: "You're okay?"  
Nick, slowly managed to get up and nodded. Arizona's head turned towards Callie, who still couldn't believe she actually wanted to hit Nick with his crutches.  
Addison saw the look in the Latina's eyes and grabbed Sofia and walked out of the flat as quickly as possible. After her Nick followed, after quickly saying: "I'm sorry," to Callie. Arizona gave her wife an angry look.  
Callie sat down and sighed loudly. Arizona kept staring at her and finally asked: "What was that?"  
"You… I couldn't take it any longer…"  
Arizona frowned: "You couldn't take it any longer I was having fun with my best friend, 'cause you and Mark…"  
"We are not going to mention Mark here, Arizona! Because I never struggled with him over a piece of chocolate while he was lying on top of me…"  
Arizona raised an eyebrow: "Oh, that's what this is about?! About the fact Nick accidentally fell on me…"  
Callie yelled: "For days, for weeks, for months, I want to touch you and you don't allow me to, you flee, you start crying when I make the slightest move towards you and Nick, who disappears out of your life for how long; can touch you?"  
Arizona stared at her wife for a couple of seconds in complete disbelief and started laughing: "Are you being jealous? Jealous of a guy who's been my best friend since my seventh birthday? Really Calliope?"  
Callie stared at her laughing wife, not understanding why Arizona was laughing: "That's not funny!"  
The blonde took a breath to recover from her laughing: "It is, Calliope! Because you are the one who told me not to be jealous because of Mark… and now you meet Nick and you're completely jealous…" she stopped for a second to laugh and continued: "And it's quite funny, because not only are you jealous of my best friend, you completely know I have nothing at all with men… You have told me not to be jealous because of Mark, even though he is the father of our daughter and you slept with him… And now you, who told me not to be jealous, get angry because Nick and I are fighting over a piece of chocolate? You've got to admit that's quite funny, Calliope…"  
Callie stared at her laughing wife: "I'm not jealous because of Nick, I'm jealous he can touch you and I can't!"  
Arizona's laughter died. She cleared her throat and said: "There's no use in being jealous of a dying man, Calliope."  
She stared at Callie, who avoided her gaze.

**ADDISON**

She looked at Mark's flat. Studied the walls, inspected the few pictures on the wall and the cups that were still on the table. The only things that had changed since the flight were in the bathroom: Callie's toothbrush was still there, and a pile of fresh towels. Addison kept walking through the flat, as though Mark would appear out of nowhere. She let her gaze slide over the pictures of him and Sofia and couldn't help but wonder how she didn't notice he had changed so much and why she only saw it now. She let her hand slide over the table, and looked at the trace it left in the dust. She noticed Nick, who was sitting in the couch, followed her movements.  
"It's strange," she said, "I thought I knew Mark, but now he's dead, I see these sides of him I never could've expected…"  
Nick raised his eyebrows: "That's the strangest thing about dying, I guess… Suddenly all judgements evaporate, the masks you wear for certain people fall down and all that is left is you… and the strangest thing is that only a few people won't be surprised to finally see you."  
Addison stared at him for a while, his vivid brown eyes that were so contrasting with his pale skin and his hollow cheeks.  
"And because most people don't recognise you, they start creating this image of you, your heroic deeds, your positive aspects… Scared, because in the few seconds they finally saw you, they didn't recognise you and they realised they missed such great parts of your life. So they start reconstructing your life, giving it the direction they want… hoping they would recognise it then… Only a handful of people won't…"  
Addison stared in silence at him and then stared at the flat of Mark. How everything was still standing in the exact same place as when he left. She looked at the trace her fingertips had made in the dust on the kitchen table and finally saw how careful Callie had been, when she slept in this flat. Her toothbrush, the towels and the sheets had betrayed her presence, and Addison could almost feel the pain she felt, destroying one of these last touchable memories of Mark. How much of an intruder she must have felt.  
She turned around and saw Nick standing carefully before the window, trembling on his good leg, as though he had immediately noticed Callie's fear of leaving traces in the only room she could still feel Marks' presence.  
With every breath she took, Addison saw more traces she had ruined. How she had silently marked the room with her presence, by making traces in the dust, by moving doors, by opening a window…  
"Do you mind if we go outside?" she asked.

**NICK**

He stared at Sofia, how she looked at the fish in the pond and how she pointed at them, laughing, making sure Addison wouldn't miss one of them.  
He supressed the urge to do the same thing as the little girl. It was strange, but now he realised he was dying, all things seemed more beautiful than ever. It was as though he still had to discover the whole world, just like Sofia. In some ways, her presence made him feel more calmly than ever. She noticed the small things and enjoyed them, while the adults he talked to didn't understand the beauty of those things.

**ARIZONA**

She looked at Nick and noticed the shock was over. She had become used of his pale face and the small coughs that followed after his laughter. It had stopped feeling like knives in her stomach when she noticed her friend was ill. In a certain way, he seemed getting healthier each day.  
She watched him building houses with Sophia and smiled. He would have been an amazing father, if he would've ever decided to be one. She grabbed one of her crutches and came sitting next to her daughter and looked at Nick: "Why did we wait so long to see each other again?"  
He gave her a bitter smile: "Because I thought we had oceans of time."  
"You weren't the only one… I never searched for you…" she said, building the roof of Sofia's farmhouse.  
"You had no idea where I was…"  
She interrupted him: "That doesn't mean I didn't had to search for you…"  
He laughed: "But you didn't and I must say I'm quite happy seeing you've spent your time so well. Look at you, Arizona… you have a beautiful wife and a wonderful daughter, you've helped a bunch of kids in Africa… I can hardly think of better ways to spend your time…"  
She looked at him and whispered: "Thank you…"  
He smiled softly: "Don't thank me, Arizona, I'm thankful I can spend my last days here."

**CALLIOPE**

The past days had been weighing heavily on Calliope Torres. With every day Arizona's movements got better, but the more progress she made, the more Nick was getting weaker. Callie watched her wife helping him through the crowded flat. Addison saw the fear in her eyes. The fear of being completely powerless. She couldn't prevent Nick from dying right beneath her wife's nose, nor could she prevent her wife from getting more attached to him. Even Sofia liked him, and even though there was no biological bond between her and Arizona, Callie saw certain resemblances in their expressions when Nick made jokes.  
When Addison and Sofia went to the grocery store and Arizona was to her physical training, he said: "I'm sorry for all the troubles…"  
She looked at him from the kitchen: "Oh no, it's fine… it's fine, Nick…"  
He laughed shortly and coughed: "I tried, you know… dying alone… But I couldn't"  
She walked closer to him, her hands still wet from cleaning the vegetables: "Nobody should," she said, thinking of the day Mark died.  
"Yet I'm sorry I have to do it here…"  
"Don't be sorry…"  
"But I have nowhere else to go… My father died after I graduated and my mother has got Alzheimers and my only sister… well… Arizona probably told you the story so I… I'm sorry for all the troubles, Callie…"  
"Nick, you really don't have to apologise…"  
"I get it though, he said… Arizona and I make a lot of noise and… well, I understand your fear of what'll happen to her when I die, and Sofia doesn't deserve to know another person who died. And my sister will arrive today… And you don't even know me that well… But you have to believe me when I say I am incredibly happy to be here…"  
Callie looked at him: "What kind of person is your sister?"  
He laughed: "She's adventurous, smart, funny, has a lack of rules, is careless, has an endless list of plans, sometimes she's a bit reckless and has an enormous amount of energy, combined with her typical stubbornness. Oh and she is very independent and doesn't forgive easily…"  
Callie smiled: "You don't forgive easily either…"  
Nick was about to ask what she meant, but realised she meant the fact he still hadn't forgiven himself.

**ADDISON**

She opened the door and saw a black haired woman, her green eyes flashed from her to the paper she held in her hand.  
"Does Arizona Robins live here?" she asked.  
Addison heard the silence fall over the apartment. "Yes, she does. You must be Joanne…" she answered and let the other woman enter. Joanne shook her hand and looked at the apartment and quickly found Arizona sitting in the coach.  
Callie, who was standing in the kitchen didn't miss the smile of both woman. She knew she had to go closer, to welcome the new guest, but still she wanted to observe her from the kitchen.  
"How was your flight?" Arizona asked.  
"Good," Joanne answered before looking at Addison and said: "I had no idea at all you were in to redheads…"  
Arizona laughed: "Oh no, that's Addison, she's a friend of Callie."  
"Who's Callie?" Joanne quickly asked.  
Callie took a big breath and stepped forward when Arizona answered the question: "My wife."  
Joanne looked from Callie to Arizona. Callie didn't miss the bitter smile on her face.  
"You're married?" she asked, failing to hide the tone of surprise in her voice.  
Arizona nodded, inviting Callie to sit next to her.  
It took Joanne a couple of seconds to recover from that surprise: "Really? This is not one of your funny jokes?" she said, staring Arizona.  
A small cough announced that Nick had stopped sleeping and he stepped closer: "I know it's hard to believe, but believe me, once you get to know Callie, you'll get it."  
Joanne turned around to see her brother standing in the doorpost that led to the bedroom. Although she heard the weakness in his voice, she was still chocked to see how the image she saw was her brother.  
"You should have called me earlier," she said, still staring at the person she hardly recognised as her brother.

**JOANNE**

It was strange to see Arizona with her wife and daughter. The words still felt strange. She and Arizona had been so much alike... They had the same vision on life, on relationships… Their lives had shown so much resemblances, but now Arizona was married, had a child and she was still wandering, discovering the world alone. Looking at the family portraits she realised how much their worlds had parted since the last time she had seen Arizona. And now, seeing the life Arizona had, a soft voice within Joanne whispered that she had always been wrong about Arizona. That the years they spent together, sharing the same ideas, had been nothing more than lies. Yet she knew that wasn't true. When Arizona talked to her and Nick, she noticed the soft voice was lying. That made it all more complicated. How Arizona could still be the same person she fell in love with, only bound to responsibilities. It made her doubt her own ideas about relationships. She had always believed relationships forced you to become somebody you weren't. That making the compromises that were part of a relationships slowly took pieces of you. As though you were forcing two rocks to form one, and small pieces were crushed during that process. And in the end the rocks weren't the ones they were at the beginning and when they split, as most relationships did, both rocks still carried the scars of that process, they had lost pieces of their selves. It was a cruel process, in Joanne's eyes. She had seen how her parents had crushed each other during that process and she was convinced that relationships rarely ended in good things. But now, seeing Arizona and Callie, she saw an entirety, that still respected individuals.  
Joanne held her head a bit to the right and looked at Arizona and suddenly had the strange feeling her life still hadn't started yet.


	8. Bones

**Bones**

**Hi everyone. Thank you very much for the reviews, the follows and the favs. I'm really happy to know you like this story.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy the next chapter…**

**CALLIOPE**

She watched Joanne stroking the foot of her wine glass. She let the red wine circle in the glass, leaving a slight red fragrance on the edges of the glass.  
"I still can't believe you're actually married, Arizona," she laughed, giving a playful swing to her long, black hair.

Callie saw Arizona laughing too, whilst imitating Joanne's movements. The Latina's eyes narrowed and she could no longer supress the urge to ask: "Why is it so difficult for you to believe we're married?"

Addison, who had been observing the two old friends, whilst listening to Nicks jokes, raised her eyebrows. She had noticed Callie wasn't exactly happy with the new guest, but she didn't expect to hear such a slight tone of distrust in her voice.  
Joanne's smile evaporated and she watched her glass and stopped the circling. She carefully looked up and said: "I guess that in some way I assumed Arizona would never settle down…"

"Guess you were wrong," Callie added silently before refilling her glass.

"I guess I did," Joanne said, throwing a glance at Arizona before taking a sip of her own red wine.

"So I guess you don't have a relationship?" Callie asked.

Arizona, Nick and Addison had stopped eating. Only Nick was chewing, when Arizona and Addison looked at Callie and Joanne.  
"No, I don't," Joanne said, "before I got Arizona's call I was in Africa. And when you're practising medicine in a refugee camp, you don't really have much time for relationships..."

"You've been to Africa?" Arizona asked.

Callie stared at the vivid conversation the others had. Arizona, Nick and Joanne constantly talked about their youth adventures and when Callie turned to Addison to talk to, Addison discovered she and Joanne had the same specialty, so Callie had to listen to latest news on neonatal surgery…

* * *

Callie sighed and pulled the blanket up. It was almost midnight and finally everybody had found a place to sleep. Nick was the first to go to bed. He and his sister shared the bed in Mark's apartment. Next was Addison, who had to catch an early flight back to L.A the next morning. She slept on the couch in Mark's apartment. Joanne and Arizona had kept talking, until Callie had practically forced Arizona in bed, because she knew tomorrow would be quite tiresome for her wife. The intense physical therapy and the constant hopping through the house to help Nick asked a lot from her.  
When she looked to her left, she saw Arizona taking her prosthetic off. When she saw the red traces it had left on her leg, Callie asked: "Why didn't you take it off?"  
She turned around to get a better look, but Arizona muttered that everything was fine, while she rubbed the red traces.  
"Arizona, that is not good…" she said, knowing that tomorrow, when Arizona put the prosthetic back on, the wounds would get deeper.

"I'm fine, Callie…" she said, pulling the blanket over what was left of her leg.

"That must have hurt, Arizona. You should take it off and we can adapt it better to your leg…"

"Callie, I'm fine," she switched the light of and said, "Good night."

Callie looked at the darkness and said: "Why didn't you take it off?"

Arizona sighed and muttered: "Try to sleep, Callie…"

"You didn't take it off because of her, did you?"

She listened to the silence and repeated her question.  
When Arizona didn't answer she switched the lights back on: "Why didn't you take it off? Because of her? Because she… because…" she stared in silence at her wife, who blinked several times, because of the strong light, "because you didn't want your ex-girlfriend to know your leg is amputated? Why would you…?"

"Callie, please… I promise it won't happen again. Would you please switch the light off?"

The Latina looked at Arizona, who lied down again.  
"You don't want her to know you've lost a leg because she would think you're less sexy. Is that it?"

Arizona turned around and looked at her wife: "Has it ever occurred to you that, for just one evening, I wanted everything to be back as it used to be? Even though that isn't possible? Tonight, it finally felt like back in the days when Joanne, Nick, Tim and I went to the beach, or the park or our garage… For just a couple of seconds, it felt like that, even though so much has changed. Nick is dying, I've lost almost my entire left leg and Tim is dead…"

Callie closed her eyes and looked at Arizona, who was somewhere between crying and anger. "Oh… I'm so sorry, Arizona… I didn't mean…"

"Just go back to sleep, Callie," she said, turning around.

Callie stared at Arizona.  
_God, I'm an idiot_ she thought before switching of the light.

After a couple of minutes, Callie heard the blanket move and she heard Arizona getting out of bed.  
"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Telling her my leg is chopped off…"

The door was closed before Callie could find something to say.

**ARIZONA**

She hoped Callie wouldn't follow her and hopped through the kitchen.  
Right now she just didn't want to be in the same room with Callie. She could understand Callie in some way. Once somebody had cheated on you, your mind got really suspicious about potential dangers to your relationship. But for now, she was more angry than comprehensive.  
She stood still for the door of Mark's apartment, not really knowing if she would actually go in. She looked at the empty hallway and shivered. She felt really stupid standing in front of the door and carefully opened it. She sneaked past the couch on which Addison slept and hopped to the bedroom. When she opened the door, four eyes looked at her. Two of them flashed towards her leg.  
She looked at Joanne, who seemed very calm at the sight of her missing leg.  
"Come sit with us," the black-haired woman said.

Arizona looked at Nick: "You told her." It was more a conclusion than a question.

"She asked," he said.

Arizona looked at the other woman and felt something within her freeze. The idea that people could see that she missed a leg, even with her prosthetic on, felt threatening.  
When Joanne saw the look on Arizona's face, she explained: "I just noticed you walked differently…"

The blonde looked at the empty spot beneath her: "Is it that obvious?"

Joanne gave her a soft smile: "It's just… I notice those things…" she quickly looked away from the blonde, when Nick added: "I still can't see you walking differently… Guess it's just one of Joanne's super powers…"

Arizona sighed and hopped forward: "What is different then?"

Joanne bit her bottom lip: "You used to do this thing with your hips, when you walked…"  
Nick smiled, noticing his sister's cheeks got a slight pink colour.

Arizona raised her eyebrows. "Can you be a little bit more precise? It's just that if I walk differently I could get problems with my spine… I'm seeing my prosthetist tomorrow, so he could adapt it…"

Joanne smiled: "Well… it was this… this uhm… you made the movements with your hips…"

"I think Arizona needs you to be more precise," Nick said, enjoying the situation. It didn't happen that often that his sister was actually being shy, "what movements do you mean, Joanne?" he asked.

Joanne looked at Arizona: "These movements… I can't really describe them…"

"Give it a try," Nick said, smirking.

"Uhm, I guess… you did this… sexy thing with your hips"

All three of them laughed.  
"I did?" Arizona asked, raising one eyebrow.

Joanne laughed: "Yes. You used to do this really sexy thing with your hips and you didn't do it tonight, so I asked Nick if you still felt that injury from surfing…"

"So you've been looking at my hips?" Arizona asked, teasing her old friend.

"Not only your hips," Nick said quickly.

Joanne quickly slapped his arm: "Don't listen to him," she said dryly.

Nick laughed: "I noticed you have been looking a lot at Addison…"

"Shut up… You've been looking a lot at her too, little brother…"

Arizona laughed, recognising this sort of conversations from long ago.

Joanne looked at Arizona again: "Seriously, is she straight?"

"I think so," Arizona said.

Joanne's left mouth corner curled up in a smile Arizona recognised too good. "You think so?" she asked.

"Don't," she said, "besides, she leaves tomorrow."

"You know that doesn't stop me," Joanne said.

"Unfortunately I'm aware of that," Arizona said, "but she's here because of Mark's funeral, so leave her alone…"

"Alright, alright…" Joanne said, "I was just kidding… who's Mark?"

"The dead guy in whose bed we are sitting," Nick said.

"Very funny, Nick, but the dead guy jokes aren't funny any longer…"

"It's true though," the blonde said, "he's Sofia's father…"

"You lived right next to the sperm donor?" the black haired woman asked.

The blonde let out a small laugh: "Well, he was more than just a sperm donor. He really was a father to Sofia and a good friend of me and Callie…"

Joanne frowned: "And you were completely okay with that? I mean, I thought you didn't want to know the father if you would ever want kids…"

The blonde looked at her hands: "I know I said that but… things didn't really go as planned… You see… when Callie and I broke up a couple of years ago she… she slept with Mark and… she got pregnant. When we got back together, she told me and I was completely chocked at first and I wasn't completely sure if I could be a parent, but when I heard Sofia's heartbeat… I knew that I wanted to be there for her and for Callie."

Joanne stared at her: "And you didn't kill the guy?"

Arizona chuckled: "I was close to doing that, but he's… he turned out not to be that bad… Mark actually turned out to be quite a loyal friend and a good daddy for Sofia…"

"So if you didn't kill him, how did he die?"

Arizona looked up and focussed on the walls of Mark's apartment. "He died after the plane-crash," she sighed, "which brings me back to the leg…" She took a deep breath: "When the plane crashed, emergency services couldn't find us. It took them a week, and I had an open fracture, so of course it…"

"… it got infected…" Joanne answered, "and they had to amputate…"  
Arizona nodded.

"May I?" Joanne asked.

The blonde gave a small nod.  
Joanne came sitting in front of her and she watched the scar. "It was a clean cut," she said, looking at it from different angles, "the person who did it, certainly did some good work," she muttered still focussed on what was left from the leg.

"Callie did it," Arizona said, refusing to look at Joanne or her leg.

"She did?" Joanne asked, clearly surprised.

"She's an orthopaedic surgeon," Arizona cleared out.

"Yeah, I know… Nick told me…" she said, still watching the scar closely, "… it's just that… I used to work with orthopaedic surgeons and… well… they're mostly carpenters…"

Arizona looked down: "Callie isn't like the other ortho surgeons and she surely isn't a carpenter…"

"I'm just saying most of them aren't exactly good at making precise cuts and stiches, that's all. I'm complementing her work… it's just that… did you learn her our stitching method…?"

Arizona looked at her leg: "No, why are you asking?"

"Because that's what I'm looking at…" she said, looking up from the leg.

"It can't be… The only person who I've learned to do that is Karev…"

She looked at Joanne.  
"Give me a mirror," she said, hoping that her thoughts weren't the truth.

* * *

**CALLIOPE**

She was in the middle of preparing breakfast, when Addison came into the room.  
"Morning," they both said.  
Callie gave her a cup of coffee and her thoughts went back to yesterday evening.  
"Is Arizona there?" she asked.

The redhead looked up. "Could be. I haven't been in the bedroom. Wasn't she with you?"

Callie looked at the door. "She was, but then… I said some stupid things and she walked out…"

Addison looked at her friend. "The whole situation isn't easy, is it?"

Callie shook her head and poured some coffee in her cup. She looked up when the door was opened and Arizona hopped in.

"What sort of stitch did you use?" she asked, her eyes locked on Callie.

"What?" she asked in confusion.

"What sort of stitch did you use when you amputated my leg?"

Callie had the feeling the world had stopped spinning and she was caught on the wrong side. "I… I can't exactly remember…"

"You can't exactly remember because you never did it, right?" Arizona hopped closer.  
Callie felt Addison's eyes on her.  
"I…"

"Why? Why did you lie to me, Calliope?" Callie recognised the mixture of anger and pain.

The Latina stared at her angry wife.

"You are going to tell me the truth, Calliope. The whole story!"

"I was operating on Shepherd when you coded! I was doing the crucial part of the surgery and I couldn't leave. You have to believe me Arizona…"

"You said you would take care of me! I would have understood if you couldn't do it. I couldn't do it either, cutting of your leg. But why did you have to lie about it? And why Karev? Why of all people the guy who had to be on that plane? Why the guy with who I have to work with? The guy who has to see me as his chief, I have to lead a department, and you choose him to cut off my leg? So he sees me as a patient? So that he would always remember he was the one who had to sit there and who had to lose his leg? Off all people in the hospital you chose Alex Karev?!"

Callie stared at her, trying to form sentences out of the loose words that flew chaotically through her mind.

"Get out! Get out! I would go, but since I can't walk further than the park, or drive, you have to get out, Calliope…"

The taller woman obeyed the orders. She couldn't think of anything to say or do. Her thoughts circled chaotically through her mind, leaving her to being an uncontrolled object in space. So she followed her wife's orders.

Addison jumped of the chair and grabbed her suitcases: "Come on, Callie…" she grabbed her friends hand.

"Get out," Arizona said, slamming her crutch against the nearest chair.

**I would like to hear your thoughts about this chapter, so please leave a review.**


	9. Bittersweet Symphony

_**Bittersweet Symphony**_

**Hi everyone. First of all I want to thank everyone who left a review :) You guys are amazing!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**CALLIOPE**

She heard Addison saying something to Arizona, but it was as though the words echoed through her head, forming an incomprehensible noise.  
Arizona answered. Although Callie didn't understand a word of it, she knew the message wasn't friendly.  
The next moment Addison stared at her, as though she expected some reaction. She saw Addison's lips forming words, but she couldn't understand. She didn't want to understand. When Addison walked out the room she kept standing in the exact same position. Addison reached out her hand and she stared at it. She heard noise and guessed Addison was asking to follow her. She looked from the open hand to Arizona, who was standing with her body turned away from her. Callie had no idea at all what to do, so she kept hopelessly staring. The noise slowly disappeared and was followed by a silence. Although the circumstances were different, it felt as the same silence from the day she was about to close the door of the bedroom and give up on Arizona. Maybe it was the fear of making decisions that kept her bound to the floor. So she listened to the silence, hoping that somebody else would say something. Instead they kept standing in the same position. All three of them on a row, Arizona's body half turned away, Addison stretching her hand out and Callie standing between them, listening to the silence. She looked at Arizona, hoping she would suddenly apologise. When she turned her head 180° she saw Addison and Callie hoped that she would say something, tell her what to do. Instead the two other woman refused to take any decision, because the presence of the ominous silence told them that their actions would have great consequences. Eventually, when the thought of standing there seemed something she could do forever, Addison softly tried to grab her hand, but managed only to touch her fingertips. Callie looked at her, then to Arizona and thought it made no difference at all to her, so she carefully stepped towards Addison, without looking away from Arizona. Callie looked at the blonde woman. She had done this before, on the day she kept standing in front of the door… The process of leaving Arizona had started long before this silence and although it seemed they had solved their problems, the old frustrations kept lying beneath their kindness towards each other. So Callie did what she had tried to do before, the one thing she had never done, the one thing she had learned from Arizona: she ran away. She left her problems behind her. She walked towards the door and, different from her first attempt to flee, she succeeded. Her feet carried her away and the further she got, the less force Addison had to use to lead her.

Once outside that changed. With every inch she got further from Arizona an uncomfortable feeling within her started to grow. Callie started to think that maybe fleeing wasn't something for her. That there were people who were naturally good at it, who had this inborn talent for it, such as Arizona and that there were people like her, who were bound to stay close to their problems.  
She was following Addison and stared at the way her hair moved when she walked, fearing she had just made the wrong decision. She had walked about 380 metres behind Addison and the horrible feeling was getting stronger. The thought that her place was in that apartment got stronger with every metre, although she feared of going back in, because that would mean she couldn't run away and she was caught. Caught like a meteorite in its orbit, circling around forever, unable to escape.  
403 metres and the feeling was still there. Callie thought this should feel like freedom, but instead the horrible feeling was this omnipresent she was slightly panicking. She wondered how Arizona could do this over and over again. How she could have gone to Africa, while Callie was only 403 metres far and already had the feeling she would collapse. It made her fear she loved Arizona more than she loved her back. There is no thought more bittersweet than knowing you love somebody more than they love you… And although that thought was horrible, Callie had the feeling she had to turn around and go back, even though her love was bigger than Arizona's. She thought of George and thought that maybe it was just faith that she loved people more than they loved her back. And still she wanted to go back, even though she told herself not to. Callie didn't understand where this horrible feeling came from. Back in the apartment she had felt indifferent and right now this horrible feeling was swelling.  
407 metres and her heart rushed and she had to concentrate to control her breathing. She had to force herself not to panic and kept following Addison, still staring at the movements her hair made in the wind. She had to go back in. No matter what. She just had to go in. Something within her told her she had to go back. When it struck her why she had that feeling, the Latina almost collapsed. She didn't understand how she could have forgotten…  
"Sofia!" she yelled, and turned around, "Sofia!"

She ran this fast she almost fell twice on the staircases, refusing to wait for the elevator. No matter how many times she thought about the past few minutes, Callie still didn't understand how she could have forgotten about Sofia. How she didn't recognise the strongest feeling a person could ever feel.  
Behind her she heard Addison trying to keep up with her. Although Addison probably had a much better condition, Callie knew she wouldn't catch up with her. This mad power that had taken control over her didn't stop because sprinting up staircases was dangerous and exhausting. Even though the door was still open, she slammed her whole body against it and rushed inside.  
She saw Arizona from the corner of her eyes and walked straight to Sofia's room.  
She noticed her wife was following her, but she didn't look around. She silently walked in the room. So silent she was surprised of the contrast it made with the power she opened the door.  
"Morning Sofia!" she said happily, before quickly packing her daughters bag. The Latina could hardly believe how fast her movements were.  
When Arizona finally arrived in the room, Callie had almost entirely packed Sofia's bag.  
"What are you doing…" Arizona whispered. It didn't really sound as a question in Callie's ears.  
When Addison entered the room, she was breathing heavily. "Where are your car keys?" she asked.  
"The little green box on the kitchen table," Callie answered.  
Half a minute later she met Addison back in the kitchen.  
"I packed some of your stuff as well," Addison said, "it's not much but…"  
Callie, who was carrying Sofia on her arm, gave her a small nod and hurried towards the door.  
She knew that if it took them too long to get outside, Arizona would surely start a fight.

They were already walking in the corridor when her wife caught up on them, yelling: "Come back! You can't just take Sofia with you Callie! You don't have that right!"

Callie tried to escape from Arizona's grip, but although her wife had to balance on one leg, Callie couldn't get loose. She gave Addison, who was walking in front of her, a hopeless look.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her iron hands still around Callie's arms. Callie tried to move, escaping while holding a bag and a toddler wasn't easy.

"You can't do this…" Arizona said, looking in Callie's eyes. Although her voice sounded aggressive, Callie saw in the bright blue eyes that her wife was scared.

"I told you that a million times," Callie answered calmly: "that you couldn't leave for Africa, that you couldn't just sit in the bedroom for whole days, but you did it anyway…"

"Don't!" Arizona said while Callie tried to turn around.

"Let me go, Arizona," Callie said, looking at the hands around her arms.

"You can't just leave and take Sofia with you!" she said loudly.

Sofia was startled and tried to escape from Callie's arms. "Stop yelling, Arizona. I don't want Sofia to hear us fighting!" the Latina said, also in a not calm way.

"You can't take her, Callie!"

The toddler started to scream and wrestle in Callie's arms, but Addison quickly walked to Callie and carried the little girl to the car, while her parents were still arguing in the hallway. Addison heard doors opening, Callie was angrily speaking Spanish, Arizona was yelling and Addison could hear Joanne's voice. While walking down Addison thought the her head would split because of the horrible noise they made.

While swearing in Spanish, Callie looked at the other two woman. Seconds ago Joanne had appeared and something within Callie had snapped. She had managed to get out of Arizona's grip and she had pushed her wife, using the same force from the moment she had discovered that Sofia was still in the apartment. Arizona was slammed against the wall, causing a loud bang when her head hit the wall.  
Joanne had pushed Callie back from Arizona when she wanted to go closer to see if the injury was bad. She meant to push Arizona, but not to harm her in that way, so when she saw the blood streaming out of her wife's nose she immediately regretted her actions. When she stepped closer, Joanne pushed her away and came standing in front of Arizona, saying she would take care of that.  
When Callie insisted, Joanne yelled that she had to step back, but Callie tried to get through, threatening the other woman in Spanish, ignoring her accusations. But when she heard Arizona's voice, almost broken, Callie stopped.

"Go away, Callie… Just go away…"

The Latina looked past the other woman's shoulders at her wife, whose face and hands were covered in blood. Seeing the tears mixing with the blood, Callie obeyed her wife.

"I didn't mean…" she muttered, but Arizona repeated: "Go…"

Back in the car she looked in front of her, while Addison was driving her way to the airport. She felt empty at the moment. As though her body was hollow. She kept staring in front of her, not really looking at the traffic. She had no thoughts at all and for the first time in her life Callie felt as though her body somehow wasn't her own. That she could just walk out of it and leave it there, sitting at the passenger's seat. She had deliberately stopped thinking, because the flow of thoughts was too much for her. She knew she would collapse if she allowed them in.

Addison gave her a cup of coffee. Callie thankfully accepted it while she was staring at the airplanes with Sofia on her lap.  
"Our flight leaves within three hours," Addison said, giving her a worried look.  
Callie gave her a small nod and kept pointing at all the airplanes outside. Sofia often pointed to one and said the name of its colour. It made Callie laugh how the closest ones were all blue in Sofia's opinion and how her daughter kept missing. She corrected her daughter, while pointing at the airplanes.  
"Everything will be fine," Addison said, taking place next to her.  
Callie noticed that every time somebody said that to her, something horrible had just happened. Probably was _"everything will be fine" _a way of saying: you survived the worst part, but now you have to climb out of the valley…  
She placed a soft kiss on Sofia's head, saying: "We're going to a holiday to L.A."  
Sofia turned around and stared at her with those tender brown eyes of her and tried to imitate her mother: El ey?"  
Callie laughed at the attempt of her daughter: "Yes, L.A, where Addie lives…"  
Sofia turned her head to Addison, while Callie kept staring at the airplanes in the attempt to keep her thoughts calm.

**Thanks for reading and it's always interesting to hear your thoughts, so please leave a review.**


	10. Any Other World

_**Any Other World**_

**DAY 1**

**CALLIOPE**

She looked at how her daughter was sleeping and listened to the regular breathing of the toddler. When Callie looked at Sofia, she got worried. Worried about the future. Having a child meant that she was responsible for the little girl, who was sleeping so calm. It made Callie doubt. Making decisions was complicated enough on your own, let alone you dragged an innocent child into them. Right now, she had dragged Sofia away from her mommy. When she thought of it, she felt horrible. She tried to calm herself with the thought that Arizona hadn't helped raising Sofia the past few months, but still that feeling of guilt hadn't disappeared. Callie looked at the toddler, thinking the little girl had lost her father and she had taken her away from her mother. She placed a soft kiss on her daughters head, before she left the room.

Addison was sitting on the leather couch, thinking over the past few hours. She looked up when the Latina entered. Seeing Callie's bloodshot eyes made her doubt. She had grabbed Callie's hand and drove her to the airport, convinced that her friend had reached her limit. But maybe she had only made it worse. Arizona had almost driven Callie to madness, but maybe Addison was the one who had pushed over the line. Arizona had made Callie feel hopeless, angered her, but at least she didn't break her heart. And seeing the Latina, who was so hopelessly trying to keep herself together, made Addison doubt. She knew Callie and Arizona were a good couple. They would have found a way out. But to find a way out, Callie had to be there.  
"Maybe I was wrong…" she said. It sounded horrible, but she couldn't think of a better way of saying it.  
Callie looked at her. "Don't say that, Addison," she said. She didn't want to hear they both had no idea what to do. That they were wrong. That she had made a mistake.  
Addison heard the supressed pain beneath the words. "I did what I would do if I were in your situation… but you aren't me."  
Callie closed her eyes, in an attempt to stop her tears.  
Addison looked at her friend and gave her a careful hug asking: "Should I call her? Tell her that I basically dragged you to L.A?"  
Callie tried to dry her tears: "I walked out, Addie. You didn't have to force me… I wanted to get out… out of that mess that's supposed to be my life…But I still love her… I just want everything to turn back normal… It was perfect, so perfect before the plane crash and then, in a couple of seconds our lives were turned upside down… Suddenly I had to save her leg and Mark didn't even try to live on… And she… she… I love her, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't bear it any longer… I gave her all… I wish I could've given more…"

She listened to the sounds in the apartment. The soft buzz of an electrical device, the passing by of cars, the sound the baby monitor made… These were all familiar sounds, almost equal to those in Seattle. But listening to these familiar sounds didn't make Callie feel at home. All she could hear were the ones that were missing: the ambulances that often passed in the middle of the night and the sounds of her pager that sometimes followed after the siren, the soft rustling of the sheets when Arizona moved in her sleep, the door of Mark's apartment opening when he had an early morning shift and the sound the metal of his keys made when they ticked against the door when he closed it. But the sound Callie missed the most was the soft breathing of Arizona, that she used to listen to before falling asleep.  
She sighed and turned around again in another attempt to sleep. She tried to find a comfortable way to sleep on the guest bed, but the cushion felt wrong, the sheets had another texture than the ones at home, there was too much light coming through the curtains and the curves in the mattress didn't fit her body. She moved over and over, trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. But no matter how many times she turned over, she couldn't fall asleep. Eventually she gave up the search for a comfortable position, knowing that even when she found it, her thoughts would remain restless.  
One of them kept returning over and over again, mostly when she was very close to finally falling asleep, but when it crossed her mind, her heartbeat fastened. The seconds in the hallway kept coming back to her. Callie closed her eyes, trying to think of something else, but it didn't work. She saw herself pushing Arizona over and over again. How her wife smacked against the wall and how she carefully touched her nose, her fingertips red from the blood dripping out of her nose. Callie saw how she pushed Joanne, swearing things she had heard her mother and father yell at each other sometimes. The words Calliope Torres had once so despised, words she had promised herself never to say out loud, had passed her lips and filled the whole hallway. Callie still couldn't understand how she could have been that angry. So angry she had pushed the other woman several times, trying to reach Arizona, who would tell her to go away. When she saw the look Arizona was giving her, something within Callie had broken. A voice whispered to her she had made the mistake she always told herself not to make. The exact same mistake as her parents… During her teenage years Callie had looked at her parents' marriage with a slight taste of disgust. How they presented their selves as the perfect couple in front of their friends and how she and Aria were forced into a lie. A world of fake laughs and forced family photos. But when the eyes of others weren't around, the fake laughs would turn into endless discussions that mostly ended in angry Spanish swearing. When she heard her parents arguing, Callie went to her room and listened to her music. The volume was always loud on those days and Callie told herself she would never have that sort of relationship. But one day she arrived at home and she had seen her father pushing her mother. The look in her mother's eyes had been the same as Arizona's. She remembered the anger and disappointment she had felt. For some forms of violence you don't have to be injured, to be a victim.  
She sighed and turned over again, trying to chase away her thoughts. Although she had always told herself not to act like her parents, Calliope Torres realised she started to slightly copy the behaviour of her parents. As the past few years flashed through her mind, she started to see more and more resemblances between her and her parents. She realised this wasn't the first time she had pushed Arizona. Only the previous times, her wife still had two legs and managed to keep her balance.  
She turned over again, thinking Arizona handled with strong emotions by running away from them and for the first time, Callie didn't blame her for that. By running away, Arizona left something unharmed, so that when she returned, everything was still intact. Callie realised running away wasn't something for her. Instead she was the sort of person that ruined things in an desperate attempt to save them.  
Callie listened to baby monitor and knew that she had to change. She only had no idea how to. The only thing she knew was that she didn't want Sofia to copy her behaviour, just like she had copied the behaviour of her parent's.

* * *

**DAY 2**

**CALLIOPE**

It didn't take much to wake up the black-haired woman sleeping on the guest bed of Addison Montgomery.  
She opened her eyes to the sound of her daughter coughing. She watched the red light of the baby monitor flicker and listened carefully, but nothing else followed.  
Callie had no idea what time it was, but the room was definitely more lit. She sighed, thinking that yesterday her life looked totally different. She slowly got out of the guest bed. She had a slight muscle pain and felt as though she hadn't slept at all. It was more of a constant restless thinking of what had happened. She sighed and got up, walked towards the kitchen and spent the next fifty minutes at searching plates and glasses in Addison's structured kitchen.

**ADDISON**

She opened her eyes when a plate hit the ground and the sound echoed through the whole apartment. It was followed by some Spanish words of which Addison guessed they weren't exactly friendly.  
She turned over to her alarm clock and stared at the red numbers. It was 6.16 a.m. Addison Montgomery forced herself to get out of bed and walked into her kitchen.  
"Morning," she said.

Callie, who was cleaning the pieces of the plate that were scattered across the floor, looked up: "I'm really sorry. I wanted to make breakfast and I dropped…"  
Before she could finish her sentence, Addison said that it didn't matter and they both prepared breakfast.

"Did you sleep well?" Addison asked.

Callie shook her head and took a big breath: "I kept thinking of what happened in the hallway when you left…"

Addison turned around to see Callie standing somewhere between cupboard and table, holding two coffee mugs, seeming totally disorientated.  
"Careful with the coffee mugs…!" Addison said quickly, seeing Callie's face, but the shards were already scattered across the floor. The sound made Callie look up again.

Addison looked at her and said: "I think it's better you sleep another four hours…"

Callie looked at her feet and said: "I pushed her."

Addison walked towards her and started picking up the shards: "She was pushing you too, Callie."

The Latina swallowed: "Not in the same way. She wanted to stop me from taking Sofia away from her. I wanted… to scare her. But instead I… I hurt her, pretty badly."  
Addison who was sitting of a concentrated pile of green shards, stopped collecting shards and looked at her friend.

"There was blood running out of her nose, Addie," Callie sobbed.

The redhead had no idea what to say, so she walked towards her friend and muttered: "I think some sleep will do you good…"

When walked towards Callie and wanted to lead her back to the bed, the Latina knocked away her hand, causing the shards Addison was holding in her hands to fly across the room. "I HURT HER, ADDISON! I HURT HER…" she started crying so hysterically a clueless Addison thought it would never come to an end.

Eventually it ended. Callie was lying across the floor, half on Addison's legs. Every time she moved Addison was scared she would hit a shard, but the only thing Callie did was curling up into foetal position, muttering something incomprehensible. Addison answered softly and stroked her hair, until the crying had finally come to an end.

"You have to help me," was the first thing Addison understood after a series of meaningless murmur.

"I will, Callie. You know I will," she said, looking at her friends swollen face.

"You need to help me find a way how I should deal with my anger…"

Addison stared at her friend and answered: "Yes, I will help you, but first you have to sleep."

Callie stood up, dried her tears and looked at her friend: "I mean it. What happened in the hallway can never happen again…"

Addison nodded, trying to figure out a way to help Callie.

**Thank you for reading this chapter. I know that the last part with Callie crying might be a bit unrealistic, but then again; Callie isn't good at being alone.**

**Next chapter will be about Arizona and how she handles the whole situation. **


	11. This Woman's Work

**This Woman's Work**

**Hi,**

**I know, I'm really bad at updating… And I'm really sorry for that…**

**Anyway, this is quite a long chapter, with quite a lot of flashbacks (in italics). I hope you like it.**

**DAY 3**

**JOANNE**

She could see it.  
She could see how Arizona tried to hide her feelings. Joanne looked at her, how restless her movements were, how forced her calmness was. Her eyes followed the blonde woman, who was preparing dinner.  
"You should start talking," she said. From the look Arizona gave her, she knew she understood.  
"Now," Joanne said.  
She looked at her friend.

"There's nothing to say," Arizona answered.

"I think there is. And I think you don't want to talk about it because you are scared. I get it. I get that you are angry, or scared, but please, Arizona. Everything is better than this… this pretending to be okay, while you're clearly not… You should stop controlling your feelings in such a way…"

Arizona looked up and ignored her.

"Arizona…" Joanne stood up and moved closer. Arizona avoided her gaze and muttered: "Will you finish this? I'll go check Nick."

Joanne sighed when Arizona left the room, and walked towards the vegetables, thinking about what happened after Callie had left.

* * *

_When Callie had disappeared, she turned over to Arizona, who was lying on the floor.  
"You're bleeding," she said, not knowing what else to say.  
Arizona looked at her hands and the red stain on the floor. "I know," she said softly, while trying to get up.  
"Let me help you," Joanne said, seeing how much trouble the blonde had.  
Arizona looked at her hand and ignored it.  
The black-haired woman looked at her friend, who couldn't get on her feet, despite her various attempts. She carefully stretched her hand further out, but Arizona still ignored it. Joanne looked down. She could understand why Arizona tried to get up on her own, but looking at her, trying to get a grip on the walls while bleeding out of her nose, made Joanne feel really uncomfortable. Somehow it hurt.  
"You're probably a bit dizzy because of the blow," she said, hoping Arizona would agree with that, even though they both knew it was a lie.  
Instead she heard a bitter laugh: "Dizzy because of the blow… do you even believe yourself, Joanne?"  
Joanne remained silent and looked at the attempts of her friend to get up. When Arizona fell for the fourth time, she said: "Let me help you, Arizona. If you fall on your wrist badly you could break them and you wouldn't…"  
"I wouldn't be able to use my crutches and then I would be completely helpless," Arizona completed, "not that it would make any difference…"  
Joanne sighed, seeing Arizona tried to get up for the fifth time.  
"Let me at least take a look at your nose," she said, thinking she would quickly pull Arizona back on her feet after she had looked at her nose, "it looks pretty bad," she added, hoping that would somehow convince Arizona.  
Arizona fell down again and Joanne managed to catch her. She helped Arizona to get up and carefully walked towards the wall, so that Arizona could lean against it.  
"Does it hurt?" she asked.  
The blonde didn't answer her question, so Joanne carefully touched her nose.  
"Au!"  
"It hurts," Joanne said quite matter-of-factly, "it isn't a shame to admit that," she said.  
Still no answer. Joanne knew this sort of behaviour. She looked at the bruising and started to fear that Arizona's nose was broken. She moved her index finger in front of Arizona's eyes, who dryly said: "My brains are alright…"  
"They are, but I had my reasons to worry about that," she said, while moving the few locks of hair that ware still lying on Arizona's nose.  
There was still no reaction. Joanne sighed. This sort of behaviour remembered her of the time Arizona was grieving for Tim. How she had held her in her arms for hours, not knowing what to say, willing to find something comforting to say, but instead she remained silent for hours. It felt as though there were no words that could possibly comfort such an unbearable pain. So Joanne didn't say anything at all. Instead she brought Arizona doughnuts and watched her eating them, feeling guilty that she wasn't capable of finding any words that could bring her some comfort and she had to buy boxes of food. She wanted to do more than bring her boxes full of sugar, which Arizona ate with such a heart-breaking compulsiveness. Years later Joanne still anxiously watched Arizona eating doughnuts and although the circumstances were completely different, she somehow felt guilty. She still felt guilty now, when she thought of it. But the years had passed and Joanne wasn't the scared eighteen-year old like then. She could do better now than brining boxes full of doughnuts. 'At least a little bit', she said to herself, thinking she was really bad at comforting people and Arizona in particular. She tried to think of what Nick would do and couldn't come up with something better than: "There's still quite a lot of blood. I'll go search some tissues, unless you want me to handle like the last time you were bleeding… on a beach, when you tried to impress me by showing of and catch a way to big wave and then your board hit your head."  
When she saw Arizona's mouth corner twitch, Joanne laughed: "Patient clearly hasn't got any loss of memory. But then again, who could ever forget such a magnificent view…"  
Arizona's smile carefully broke through: "My emergency bag is in the bathroom."  
Joanne looked at her: "Thank you, I already started to fear I would have to take my shirt off again."  
Arizon, who was quite happy with the sudden change of subject, a rolled her eyes: "You had only just come out of the water. You weren't even wearing shoes."  
"It still was my favourite shirt and I never got the blood stains out of it," Joanne said, before walking to the apartment.  
When she closed the door behind her, Arizona stared at the end of the hallway and thought of Callie and Sofia. Her smile evaporated. She gave herself a couple of seconds to cry before Joanne would return. But her friend returned more quickly than she expected and she tried to wipe away her tears, asking if she could get a painkiller, because her nose was really aching.  
Joanne looked at her friend, knowing she wasn't crying because of the physical pain. She must have been hurt, but this wasn't the way Arizona cried when having physical pain. "I'm really sorry, but that painkiller will have to wait. I want to go to the hospital first," she said, while wiping away the blood.  
"The hospital? Why?" Arizona asked, still trying to stop crying.  
Joanne looked at her friend. "Because it's broken…" she said, giving Arizona a bunch of paper tissues to stop her still bleeding nose.  
"It can't be broken," Arizona said.  
"It's not because I deliver babies that I don't know how a broken nose looks like. Get on your feet, Robbins…"  
"Foot," both Nick, who had just appeared in the doorstep, and Arizona corrected simultaneously, before laughing.  
Joanne looked at them, wondering why they both laughed with such a cruel joke.  
"I really don't need to go to the hospital!" Arizona said, still standing against the wall.  
"Yes you do, or your nose will swell and it'll grow all ugly and become the size of my tumour…" Nick said, before giving Arizona her prosthetic. She gave him a thankful smile.  
Joanne looked at her brother. He raised his eyebrows: "If she can make jokes about the leg, I can make jokes about the tumour…"  
Joanne didn't smile, even though the other two did. It didn't feel like she had the right to laugh. As though only Nick and Arizona had that right, because of what they had been through._

* * *

She looked at the empty kitchen and thought that somehow she wasn't supposed to be here. It was strange to be here, while Callie wasn't.  
She felt like an intruder and somehow she felt guilty for what happened. She thought that her presence was one of the reasons why Callie left.  
She looked at the vegetables and sighed.

* * *

_**ARIZONA**_

_She found distraction from the moment they had walked into hospital.  
He had seen her first. She had been caught up in thoughts she tried to ignore, but eventually she noticed the doctor who had been standing at the other side of the room. He froze and looked at her.  
She got up and walked towards him, ignoring the pain caused by the prosthetic. Neither Nick or Joanne saw her walking towards him. Joanne was too busy inspecting the hospital and Nick was staring in silence, thinking how much he hated hospitals.  
Arizona could see Alex Karev trying to find something to say. But he struggled with the chaotic thoughts that shot through his mind.  
"Your nose…" he blurted, frowning at his own words.  
And while a couple of seconds ago Arizona knew exactly what to say, her mind was completely blank now.  
She looked at the person whom she had learned so much the past few years. Even how he should amputate a leg.  
"I… eh…" he looked at the other people in the room and had no idea to behave in front of Arizona. He tried to keep his eyes focussed on her face, but every time they flickered towards the leg. "Let me take care of your nose…" he said.  
And she followed him into one of the exam rooms.  
She couldn't even jump on the exam table with the prosthetic on.  
"I looks broken to me," he said, "have you been to radiology yet?" he asked.  
Arizona shook her head and followed him towards radiology. She tried to keep up with him, walking through the familiar hospital hallways. She kept standing at the hallway that led to PEDS for a couple of seconds, but continued to follow Karev, who was walking a couple of metres in front of her, clearly avoiding a conversation and the sight of her prosthetic._

* * *

**JOANNE**

She was still cutting vegetables, thinking about Callie and Arizona. She had to admit that she was somehow intrigued by them. They seemed a very solid couple, even during these turbulent days.  
She was still focussing on the vegetables, thinking it was strange that she felt that way, because she didn't know Callie at all. But somehow she could understand the Latina. She spent the past few minutes thinking about the strange bond she felt with Callie, before it hit her.

* * *

_**ARIZONA**_

_She and Karev watched the pictures.  
"It's broken."  
A cold shiver ran over her spine.  
"We have to operate," he said, pointing at certain points on the picture.  
She could see that too, but somehow she wanted to protest. Say that they had to take a new picture. That it couldn't be true.  
"You're okay?" he asked.  
Arizona blinked. Only now she noticed how heavily she was breathing. She looked at the pictures of her bones in front of them. She had seen too much of these pictures the past few months.  
"Operate?"  
He looked at her and then back to the pictures: "Yes."  
She wanted to say she wanted another opinion, but seeing the pictures, she knew he was right. But she wanted somebody to tell her the impossible. Tell her that everything wasn't that bad. She wanted somebody to do the impossible. She wanted Callie. And suddenly the words passed her lips: "You won't operate on me."  
He dropped the X-rays he was putting back in the big brown envelope. "I…" he looked up, "I wasn't… I was thinking of Avery..."  
"Nobody will operate on me…"  
She knew it made no sense, but she couldn't control this fear that was slowly growing inside her.  
"But you have to…" he said, opening the envelope to show her the X-rays again.  
"I won't go into surgery again…"  
His eyes flashed towards the leg: "You have to, Arizona. I get that it's scary, but you have to trust me when I say you need surgery…"  
Arizona looked at the room. At the medical posters on the wall. At the door behind Alex Karev. She felt caught and scared. "How do you want me to trust you again?"  
He dropped the envelope and when the X-rays hit the floor they made a sharp noise.  
"If you keep lying to me. And I thought I made a better person of you… __Is that why I trained you all those years? Why I invested so much time in you, even though everybody told me you were rude and arrogant? So you could chop my leg of in the end?" she paused for a second and looked at Karev, who lost all colour, " You even used my stitching method… what was that about? Was that some sort of cruel joke?"  
She looked at him. He stared at the pictures and then back to Arizona.  
"You never asked about the surgery," he said calmly before picking up the X-rays.  
"Because I trusted you! I trusted Callie! But you turned out to be the exact same arrogant liar you were when I first met you…" she opened her mouth to continue, but Alex, who had gathered all the X-rays, yelled: __"I won't let you treat me like crap!" he said, "Maybe Callie allowed that, but I don't! She asked me to operate on you, because you were dying and she was in the middle of a surgery. And she felt so guilty for that, that she lied to you and said she did the surgery, because she knew that when you knew the truth you would say she hadn't tried everything to save the leg, while there was no saving at it and if you would have looked at your leg for two seconds, you would know that too! You didn't want us to operate, so we had to wait, until everything got even worse. You could have had your knee, but you wanted us to wait. Callie felt guilty and you made it only worse, because the only thing you could think about was the freaking leg! You were so angry at her because she took your leg, but instead you should be thankful, because she gave you back your life. You were killing yourself and you asked her to let her do that. So just get over it already, it's just a leg…"  
Even though the last words made Arizona angry, she remained silent.  
Alex stared at her, "I'll search Avery for you," he said and left.  
She stared at the opposite wall for a couple of seconds and left the room._

* * *

**JOANNE**

She dropped the knife when it struck her: she had been in almost the exact same situation a long time ago.  
That's why this all felt so very familiar and why she felt the urge to defend Callie in front of Arizona. Although she knew Arizona a lot better than Callie.

* * *

_**ARIZONA**_

"_Arizona?"  
She looked up and saw the silhouette of Derek Shepherd standing in the doorpost. She looked at him. Her nose hurt like hell.  
"Karev told me about your nose…" he paused for a couple of seconds before he continued: "I understand why you're hiding…"  
She gave him a doubtful look.  
"I do. I used to hide in my trailer…" he said, carefully looking at her.  
He didn't stare at her nose, but she guessed it was looking really ugly, so they both stared at the inside of the supplies closet.  
"Karev told me you don't want surgery."  
She let her head rest against the wall. Her nose was still aching and she knew she couldn't just keep sitting here forever, in one of the pantries of the ortho-wing. She had been staring at the inside of the pantry for a while. She had some good memories at this one and somehow she kept sitting here, hoping that if she closed her eyes long enough, she could go back in time.  
"After the crash, I was scared to go into surgery, but…"  
She sighed: "Don't… don't start talking to me about the plane crash, Derek. Just… don't…"  
He looked at the floor: "Just have the surgery, Arizona."  
She sighed and waited until he would leave. Eventually he did get up on his feet and said: "I called Callie… she wants you to have the surgery…"  
It was as though lightning had struck her, when she heard her name. She hit the back of her head against the wall and the pain echoed through her nose.  
"She asked me to convince you to have it. She…"  
"Of course she wants me to have the damn surgery… She's the one who caused this…"  
Derek looked at her. He hadn't recognised the Callie he had heard on the phone. She sounded cold, much like the days Arizona had been in Malawi.  
"She feels really guilty about it, so please Arizona, just have the surgery" he said eventually.  
Arizona smiled bitterly. Derek recognised the laugh from the time they were stuck in the woods.  
"You won't leave until I have the surgery, right?"  
Derek, who thought he had convinced her, said yes.  
"Because you feel guilty too," she said, trying to get up, which didn't work with the prosthetic.  
He wanted to help her, but Arizona threw off her shoes and was busy removing her pants.  
He took a couple of steps backwards and asked her what she was doing, when she removed the prosthetic  
He stared at it and when he looked up, she said: " She was operating on you when Karev amputated my leg and it's bothering you ever since…" He looked down and stared at his hand.  
She pointed at her prosthetic and then at his hand: "You got eighty per cent while I got a prosthetic and it felt so… so unfair that Callie could make you better… but I want you to know I don't blame you Derek, I never did. Even though I want someone to blame, because it is so much easier to be angry than it is to accept that there's no one to blame and things sometimes happen without any reason," she paused and looked at him. He was still standing at the door, staring at her.  
"You get used to it," she said, "if you look at it long enough you no longer see a missing limb. You stop feeling sorry for yourself, you stop feeling angry, you stop seeing your bones sticking out of your leg, you stop thinking of what used to be and you start to accept that it's just an empty space. You no longer feel the urge to look at it… Eventually I got used to it, even though I didn't want to get used of it."  
Derek smiled faintly, thinking of how he had been looking at his hand the past few months. He stretched out his bad hand, to help Arizona get up on her feel. When she felt his unsteady grip, he said: "It's true. You get used to it."_

_She looked at Derek from the OR table. He smiled at her and held up the thumb of his bad hand. Her gaze flickered towards her prosthetic.  
She tried to control her breathing, while she saw Avery scrubbing in. She thought of how Derek had told her to think of all her victories she had known in the OR. Before the surgery he had walked her through the whole procedure, while she was sitting on the OR table. Every time she felt the urge to run, Derek asked her questions about her former surgeries. How she had saved patients. And when that didn't help, he made her repeat the steps of the surgeries. Until they didn't sound threatening at all.  
The door opened and Avery walked in. Arizona looked at him. It was strange to see him without Mark around. Her eyes flashed towards Derek, who was still giving her a comfortable smile.  
Avery said something to the anaesthetist. She did her best to ignore it, but knew they would soon start operating. When the anaesthetist placed the mask on her face, she saw Alex Karev in the OR gallery and then fell asleep._

* * *

**JOANNE**

Joanne was still busy cutting vegetables when Arizona walked back in.

"He was asleep, but I woke him up for dinner," Arizona said walking towards the refrigerator. She looked at the metallic reflection and smiled when she saw her nose was healing well.

Joanne looked at her when she grabbed the meat. She was going back to work since yesterday and she seemed okay. A little bit too okay to be credible. She knew Arizona and she knew this was her, faking to be okay. She thought of the last time Arizona pretended to be okay and decided she didn't want that to happen again.  
"Please, start talking" she said, knowing that Callie must have asked her this a million times.

The blonde woman ignored her and grabbed a saucepan.

Joanne looked at the vegetables that were lying in front of her and added: "This is the last time that I will ask you in a polite way."

After a whole minute of silence, with still no reaction from Arizona, Joanne put away the chopping board and started to speak, feeling as though she had to do this for Callie. She wished somebody had said it to Arizona earlier: "You are an awful person when it comes to handling your own emotions. You pretend to be okay, while you're not and although I get the fact that you're mad about her lying to you and pushing you, you have to ask yourself if it really is worth all that. Do you really want to throw away your marriage because of who performed a surgery?"  
It was silent for a couple of seconds, before Joanne continued: "Listen to me Arizona, please. Callie loves you and you love her. She loves you so badly she has put herself through hell. But you are far more worse than hell, sometimes. I loved you. I really loved you once and I have never loved anybody else as much as I loved you when we first got together. But then Tim died and you turned into a monster. You refused to move on for ten months. You didn't even try. You broke my heart by not even trying. Those ten months were torture and even though I loved you so badly, I couldn't do it any longer. I gave you all and you never gave back. And if you wondered why I still got into a relationship three years after that, I hoped I would fall back in love with you just like those days. But I couldn't fall in love with you like the first time. So you will stop pretending to be fine and you will apologise to Callie for the hell you have put her through the past few months and hope with all of your heart that she'll accept your apologies, because I think you will never meet anybody who will love you that much, Arizona."

Arizona looked at her.

"I'm sorry, but somebody had to say that…" Joanne said when Arizona didn't seem to respond, "I just wanted you to know what's at stake…"

Arizona looked at her and even though she didn't want to admit it, she knew Joanne was right: "I already started talking… to Derek Shepherd and Alex Karev," she said.

Joanne gave her a puzzled look and then said: "That's good…"

"Derek is very supportive. He was there when the plane crashed… He's taking me to the wreck tomorrow and Karev and I go through Callie's notes over the past few months," she swallowed, "she has written almost everything down, even the slightest change of my blood pressure…"

Joanne watched Arizona walking to her purse and Arizona put a pile of sheets on the table. She went closer and looked at the chaotic handwriting.

"It helps me to accept that there's no one to blame…"

Joanne looked up from the sheets. Her eyes fell upon the X-ray of Arizona's leg, she turned back to Arizona, about to say that there was no saving at it, but Arizona was first: "I know there was no way to save my leg, but… somehow there is this voice telling me that it could be saved… and reading this really helps to realise my leg was lost."

Joanne looked back at the sheets: "Arizona… these… everything is in these…" she said, turning the pages, "she must have been so scared…"

When she spoke the last words, Arizona looked at the floor.

**ARIZONA**

Joanne was reading the sheets when she and Nick were doing dishes. Arizona looked at her.

"You shouldn't feel guilty or so, letting two cripples do the dishes," Nick said loud enough so that his sister would hear it.

Joanne didn't look up from the notes: "You never liked doing the dishes, Nick, even when you had full use of your both legs…"

Arizona smiled: "She's right, Nick…"

He splashed some water on her: "On who's side are you?"

Arizona smiled: "Team cripple all the way…"

He concentrated back on the plates and laughed: "Good one, Phoenix…"

Arizona smiled and Joanne got up from the couch.

Nick looked at her: "Oh, now that we're almost finished you decide to help…"

Joanne raised her eyebrows: "Don't want my help?"

Nick quickly threw a towel towards her.

The black-haired woman came standing next to Arizona, who gave her a questioning look.  
"I read most of it," Joanne said.

Arizona looked at her, waiting for more.  
"You can't let her go," was her answer to Arizona's questioning gaze.


End file.
